I know that I'm not in a good place right now, I just don't know what is wrong with me.
Part of my problem is depression... as usual, but how much???
In attempting to assess my feelings, I find that I've been feeling tempted to go down to the river recently. In normal people, the river isn't so much of a problem... but I have a history of considering it as a method of suicide and a location combined.
Fortunately, the area of river that I've been feeling drawn to isn't deep enough for me to drown myself in, since I've been paddling in it on several occasions.
I'm also thinking of taking my camera along with me so that I can get some pictures of some of the local scenery down there, so I don't think that I'm that bad where suicide might be a very real possibility for me in the not too distant future.
With that said though, I'm still wary of going there when I feel depressed, just in case it proves to be a temptation for me, so that will have to wait until I feel better.
I keep trying to think of alternative places that I can go and get pictures of, but the only other place that really appeals to me is too far away for me to walk to in this lifetime... pity, really, because I would have enjoyed gathering all the pictures that I have in mind.
In the meantime, I still have nothing to occupy my mind with, which isn't really helping a whole lot with the frustration that I'm also feeling. I have an active mind, which requires frequent input to keep me running at my best.
I wish that the library was more local to me... at least, then, I could spend a few hours researching some of the hundreds of random things that come to my mind throughout the day.
