Catch me if you can [NARRY AU]

Chapter twenty-eight

I was surprised, but I made sure I didn't show that. Sure enough, my phone was in Louis' palm. He looked at me a bit mad, but all they knew was that I had another phone. I was smart enough to put a lock on it. I nodded, grabbed it out of his hands, and walked upstairs again. I heard shouting coming from Louis and Liam, but I didn't care. I walked into my room and closed the door. I really needed to check it, but a shouting Liam and a mad looking Louis stormed into my room before I had the chance to.

"Why do you have two phones, Harry?" Louis asked me. I just shrugged and waited for them to leave. Louis scoffed and wanted to say something, but Liam beat him to it.

"Harry, what is going on? Why did you hide it from us?" I shrugged again, not wanting to think about the reason. Couldn't they just leave?

"Are you gonna talk or are you gonna keep shrugging?" Louis asked again, and I could hear he was getting more irritated by the second. I decided to not even shrug, they really needed to stop talking or being in my presence for that matter.

"Maybe we should let him be Louis..." Liam mumbled. Yes, thank you, that would be lovely.

"No Liam, what the fuck? What is this, Harry?" God, I never realised how annoying Louis actually was until now. I always thought of my friend as caring, wanting to know what's going on so he could help me, but all he was actually, was a little annoying shit. But then again, what was caring actually? I surely didn't know it. The one I cared for just left. So the conclusion was that caring was nothing but a stupid emotion. Emotions were really stupid. They were cruel. The most cruel one was love. Love was doomed. It really was. Love was doomed to fail. Not that you wanted to, but that was just the price you had to pay, if you ever wanted to experience it. Love always made you end up alone. You were left, in every way. The one you loved left you, to never come back again. And then I don't even mean my situation. No, he or she could just leave you, after an amazing night, a fight, just at lunch, it didn't matter, they could just leave. And then, in a couple of days or weeks or month, you would bump into them on the street, or at your job, or realising it's your new neighbour. And it would hurt, it would hurt so bad to see that someone again, to not know why they left, to just not know what went wrong. Or they could die. Everyone dies, so why not the love of your life? The love of your life would leave you, and there was no escaping it. Love was doomed, and it will always be.

I hadn't realised they left, until I noticed the silence and nothing else. I could finally check my phone. With shaking hands I typed in the code and it unlocked. I saw I had no new messages. I guess I wasn't expecting any though, but it still hurt.

Hurt. It seemed like I always was hurt, since the day I met him. I didn't realise it at that moment, most of my emotions contained lust and... no that was quite it. But I guess I was also hurt. Hurt that maybe he didn't like me, hurt that maybe he wasn't in for the long run, hurt that we couldn't show our love in public, and now, hurt that he left.

But in order to be hurt, I had to love him first, and that is were I went wrong with my conclusion earlier. It wasn't only lust, it was also love. I loved Niall Horan.

That name. It made me hurt even more. Thinking about him hurt of course, but by thinking of saying his name, it made the thought of him in some way more real. If I thought about him as 'the love of my life', it somehow didn't sound to real. I was young, how could I know that he was the love of my life? But when I thought about Niall Horan, I could feel all the emotions, and that he, in fact, was the love if my life, and that is what was hurting more than half an arrow in my chest.

I didn't cry though. I couldn't. It seemed like the emotion hurt, cut off all my abilities to function properly. It made me numb. The hurt made me numb. All I did was think, and wish I was somewhere else. Somewhere with him. Didn't matter where. Maybe in hell. Maybe in heaven. Maybe in a classroom, or in a forrest, or even underwater, maybe in a stripclub, or in a car, yes I would be with him in just my living room. I just wished to be with him, wherever that may be.

I realised that within a month, this guy made me so dependent. Dependent on him, and only him. I hated it. He made me this apathetic, this less of life, almost depressed. And he was to blame. Or not. Maybe it was me. After all, it was me who got dependent. I was so used to have him around, knowing where he was, talking to him, I couldn't do anything else. And that made me mad at myself.

I wanted to punch something. I wanted to fly. I wanted to cry. I wanted to kick someone in the balls. I wanted to crash a plane. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted, to feel something other than hurt. But it was all I was able to do. It drenched through my skin, seeping through my organs and weighted heavy on my bones. It felt like I was carrying an extra 50 pounds with me. I could literally feel something missing at the place where my heart should be. My ribs were a gage, and my heart was a prisoner successful to escape.

Now I knew how Liam had felt when he went through his first heartbreak. And I thought, that his heartbreak was mine, because it hurt me to see him like that. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. This compared to nothing. If felt like... I didn't know. Nothing equaled the pain heartbreak delivered. It came in like a punch in the stomach, and never ended like a chronic disease. It came in like a wrecking ball, and I realised how wise Miley Cyrus actually was.

I still loved him. I really did. I just didn't understand why. I guess I'll never know. Would I ever see him again? I hoped so. Even though I was mad, I couldn't deny the butterflies that came in without invitation and partied in my stomach. Whenever I thought about him, hurt had the upperhand, but love was still there. I guess that was what kept me breathing, as far as I could in my toxic room of thoughts.

Oh right, my phone. It was locked again, so I typed in the code, and could see my fingerprints due to my sweaty hands. I wiped the screen off on my jeans and opened my already opened text with shaking hands. I taped on the only name at the list, his, and read his last text sent to me.

Niall: Im so sorry harry. I love you

That was it. And I implied it all wrong that night. That was the text he sent me the last night I saw him. The diner we had for Louis' birthday, which Jay paid. The night we had fought. I thought it was a make up text. That he was sorry for the fight, for his jealousness. But I was wrong. Again. As always. It was his goodbye text. He warned me, and I was too stupid to see. He fucking warned me.

And suddenly, I felt myself shaking and I heard my voice cackling. I was laughing. I was laughing so hard and I didn't know why. My ribs hurt and my cheeks were all red but I couldn't stop laughing. I was actually going insane now. The laughter became louder and more obnoxious and it was only a matter of time for my breath to give up on me but I couldn't stop.

Liam, Louis and Zayn busted through the door and looked at me worried and... scared? Well they should be, I knew I was. The laughter didn't die and the tears were running over my cheeks, leaving little rivers over them, and I didn't know if they were from the laughter or from the frustration building up, but they were there and I couldn't stop them either.

Then I knew. He never loved me. He never cared. He was probably laughing at me, for being so stupid and careless and eager. And I laughed with him. To believe I actually thought he would care about me, he would love me, he would be the one I'd grow old with. God, was I stupid.

----------------------------------------------

Yeaaaah update. Idk, I felt like writing, and I tried to be a little more detailed. Tried, that is, so don't hate me!

x