Catch me if you can [NARRY AU]

Chapter forty-four

I couldn't talk or look at the person that stood in front of me, my so called best friend. I didn't know what to feel, so I felt everything at once. Louis looked at me with guilt, sorrow and pain, but I couldn't find myself to care about his 'pain' at the moment. I never felt so betrayed in my life and I wondered how he could do this to me, to Zayn, even to Liam. Liam and I were his brothers and Zayn and he had become pretty close. I had so many questions for him but I didn't know where to start, so I decided to stay quiet. I felt Zayn and Liam looking back and forth between Louis and me , and I wanted to punch him, but couldn't. I just couldn't. I told him everything, always, about anything. He knew how important Niall was for me. He fucking knew it all. Literally.

I waited for him to say something which he didn't. He just stood there in the doorstep, as if he would expect we would call him in. He fumbled with his fingers and looked at the ground. I almost felt sorry for him.

"How could you do this to me?" I blurted out, and I felt all three pair of eyes on me. My voice was filled with pain, just like my bones and my veins. I just ached all over, and I had no idea Louis could have such a great impact on me. Louis looked at me, same expressions as moments ago, but I saw something else. It was almost anger, but if someone should be angry it should be me.

"I know you're angry, but look at the situation from my point of view." He said pleadingly. I shook my head, no. How could he be so selfish?

"No Louis, this is not about you. And it isn't about me, either. It's about Niall. How long have you known where he was?" I asked, my voice luckily a bit stronger now. He seemed hesitant, but one look at Zayn and he opened his mouth. I glanced over to the raven boy and if looks could kill Louis would be dead.

"A day before we all found out." He said, and I didn't know if I should believe him or not. A day?

"Why didn't you tell us?" Zayn asked, well, more like growled. Liam had gripped his arm, and I was sure that if he didn't, Zayn had punched Louis already. Louis seemed to think about that. I knew him, he was very careful with his words because he didn't want anyone to be more mad at him. I just wished he told us the truth, to tell me the truth.

"Well? Spit it out already!" Zayn almost screamed. Liam tried to sit him down, but he wouldn't budge. Liam made Zayn look at him, which helped. His face softened and he sat down. Liam held his gaze, knowing that if Zayn looked at Louis again all hell would break loose. Louis took a step into the room, and when he saw no one made a fuzz about it, he grabbed a chair across from us and sat down.

"I wanted to. I was planning to as soon as I knew it, actually. But... " He said, and I was almost done with him. It was my curiosity that kept me listening.

"But?" I urged on. He looked at me, guiltily. He glanced over to Liam and Zayn, who had now buried his head in Liam's neck. His body was shaking and I knew he was crying silently. I looked at Louis again and raised my brows.

"It is selfish of me, the reason why I didn't tell you. I know that. And that is why I asked you to look at it from my point of view. But, I kept it a secret because if Harry didn't know where Niall was, maybe he would forget him, and be with me instead." He said, and as soon as I heard that, I stood up, ready to punch something, someone. Preferably him.

"I know it was wrong, but I also knew that Liam would come up with a plan to find him eventually. It wasn't my intention to keep it from you guys for long, I just wanted some time to let Harry forget." He said, sounding guilty but also angry, and I still didn't know why. He had no reason to be angry. None. It was us that had that right, and he should know that.

"It was your intention to keep it from is for long, because if you really knew me, you would have known that no amount of time could help me get over Niall. I wasn't even in the process of getting over him, that thought, never crossed my mind. What did, though, is maybe the thought that he was dead, or lost and confused, or missing and no one would ever find him. You were my brother, Louis, and you were supposed to help me. You were supposed to help me grief, supposed to be there for me. I know that that was difficult, me never showing my face, but you just let me drown in the thought that he was dead, when you knew he wasn't!" The uncontrollable tears were forming in my eyes again, and they felt so tired and warm. I just didn't have the energy to fight with Louis, to get help for Niall, to make sure Liam and Zayn were okay. I hadn't slept well in months. I rarely ate and when I did, it wasn't much. I sat down again, because I was scared my legs would give in. I just couldn't handle the situation anymore. I wouldn't give up, never, I just needed some rest. I felt cold sweat running down my back and my head felt a bit dizzy. I just wanted to sleep. And I wanted my mum. I wanted Niall in my arms and cuddle in bed and get away from the world. I just wanted some rest.