"If I choose one, then I lose the other. And I can't bare the thought of losing one of you."
In which she loves them both.
{SEQUEL TO "FORGET"}
{AU FANFICTION}
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Marina had never felt as depressed as she was right now.
Being in transition, her emotions were all over the place. One second she was ready to tear out someone's throat and then the next she was sobbing her heart out. She was in an emotional state, one that each of the boys, excluding James, had gone through.
The transition from human to vampire wasn't easy. It was painful, physically and emotionally. Marina had never had such a breakdown before. She was dwelling too much on her thoughts, on her painful past and its memories.
Her body ached. She had a burning sensation on the back of her throat. Her veins felt as if they were on fire, burning through her blood and flesh, her chest producing a sharp pain with each intake of air.
Up until now, she hadn't given much thought on dying. But now that she did die, and would die again if she didn't feed in human blood in the next few hours, she was in hysterics.
The thought of dying seemed more pleasant and peaceful than living in pain and misery. A cruel, endless eternity.
She went over the pros and cons of completing the transition many times. If she turned, she would be immortal, but not indestructible. She would stay young forever, do as she pleases, be gifted with compulsion and heightened senses. She could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone.
She could be with Jai, or Luke, forever.
But she wouldn't be able to ever have children again. She couldn't stay in one place too long. She'd have to face the many obstacles of vampirism. Such as sunlight, vervain, and hunters. But the thing that threw her off the most was the thought of killing, being ravenous for blood.
She knew that Jai, Luke, Daniel, and Beau managed to have control over their hunger. It shocked Marina at how good they were at self control.
Marina didn't know if she could have the same self control as they do. Even though their control was outstanding, she knew that they still struggled. She could see it in Beau's and Daniel's eyes whenever she stood too close or hugged them.
She could see it when Luke had kissed her, before she "knew" what he was. He had this look in his eyes, slightly murderous but pained.
She saw it the most with Jai. Before he'd left, she took notice of the way he'd breathed sharply when he'd kiss her neck. His jaw would clench and his hands balled into fists. If she'd get a cut, he acted as if the blood didn't bother him but Marina could always see the faint veins forming under his eyes that became the color of blood.
It was difficult. And it'd be even more difficult for Marina.
Difficult but not impossible.
There was a solution to every con on her list. James could make her a daylight ring. She could easily stay away from vervain by simply not feeding on humans or compelling them. And...did she really want to have kids?
"Hey. Are you okay?" Jai's deep voice sounded as he stood in the doorway. He had a sad smile on his face and slowly walked over to Marina, sitting next to her on the bed.
Marina stared at him blankly. Was he seriously asking if she was okay after she'd been stabbed, died, and came back as a vampire in transition?
"No. I'm not okay." Marina answered truthfully as she stared down at her decaying hands. Her time was running out.
Jai reached out and pushed a stand of hair behind her ear, much like how he'd used to do. His hand lingered for a second before caressing her cheek, a slight frown forming on his plump lips and brows furrowing.
"You're freezing."
"No. I'm hungry. Could you get me some food?" Marina asked as she pulled the comforter up higher on herself.
"I don't...really think that's a good idea. Food won't do you any good right now. You'll only end up having it come back up." Jai softly rubbed her knee, whispering the next part. "What you need is blood."
Marina sighed loudly and ran a hand through her hair in a frustrating manner. She was getting sick of this. Constantly being asked if she would complete the transition or being told that she was craving blood.
"Jai...I-I don't know what I want. I never wanted to be a vampire. It's not what I wanted...what I want." Her voice was breaking now, tears beginning to fall down her pale, hollowed cheeks. "I mean...I know there's many perks but...I can never have children. That's if I decided to have them. I have to be extremely careful around humans. I just...don't know."
She broke out sobbing and angrily wiped the tears away. Jai listened intently to her and it broke his heart knowing that this was extremely difficult for her.
"But then...I think...would an eternal life be so bad? I'd get to spend my days doing whatever the hell I want. I could travel the world like I've always wanted to. I could be with you. Forever."
Jai's head snapped up to meet her dull eyes. She hadn't admitted that before. Did her saying that mean she chose him?
He stared at her, swallowing the lump that began to form in his throat. His hand found its way to hers and he sighed. "I never wanted this life for you, Marina. I don't want you to be like me...a monster."
"You're not a monster, Jai."
"Yes, I am. I've done terrible things, taken many innocent lives. And for what? For my own satisfaction? To fulfill my hunger? I love you Marina. And I want to be with you, forever. But I can't make you choose a life you don't want. The decision is yours and I will support it no matter what."
"But Luke said-" Marina started but was cut off by Jai.
"Forget what Luke told you. You decide." Jai had never been so open with her before. It made her happy yet broke her heart at the same time. How could she leave him? How could he leave her? The two were deeply in love but Marina was too selfish to realize that.
She was irrevocably and unconditionally in love with Jai Brooks.
Without thinking and with the little strength she had, she threw herself to Jai and placed her cold lips on his. Jai was taken by surprise, not expecting her to be so forward but accepted the kiss, moving his hands to her back and up to her hair.
The kids didn't last long, but was full of so much intensity and passion and love that made the both of them weak in the knees. As she pulled away, Marina breathed heavily as she whispered so low that only he would be able to hear with is enhanced hearing.
"I choose you. Always. For eternity. I love you. I love you so much, Jai."
