Undiscovered

20.

(Another update! Yes I know! But I'm trying to build it up so I got a bulk of it done! Well I hope you enjoy anyway! PS: this is a warning. There will be self-harm in this chapter and it will be explained in detail so I'm sorry if it's triggering for anyone!!)

Lilie's POV

I was so shocked to see Jess here. And from the way she giggled at me, my face showed it. I was so happy to see my sister but so confused too. I didn't think she would come down here to spend time with me, but now that she was here, I was happy. I needed her. And she needed me, we needed to keep each other together, keep strong for Emilee's sake.

After speaking to Jess, sobbing into her and hugging her, I felt a little better. This is what I needed. I hated crying but, while my sister was around, it didn't bother me. That is what she is there for.

I put my sunglasses back on to cover up my red puffy eyes, I didn't want any questions being asked, I knew I wouldn't be able to keep myself together. I was drained. Mentally and physically so anything anyone said, I would break down. I needed to go to sleep yet run out all of my sudden burst of energy. I'm giving myself whiplash with my mixed feelings. Ergh.

Jess released me from her embrace so I took it upon myself to pull her up once I had gotten up. I run over to the majority of the group with Jess trailing behind me. I've sobbed my heart out. Now I need a distraction. I was going to join in with the game of frisbee and Jess was going to play too. She also needed the distraction, we both did.

My mother and Harry were with Emilee, they were keeping her safe, so the only thing Jess and I could do, was distract ourselves and prepare ourselves for what could be coming around the corner.

I was simply dying inside but I couldn't let anyone know what I was thinking let alone feeling. They wouldn't be able to figure me out, I didn't want to be figured out, not at all. I can't understand how my own mind works so I don't expect anyone else to able to know how it works.

I felt like my head was pounding from all of the crying from today, but I had no tablets with me to stop it. My chest was still erratic from my breathing but I'm sure it will calm down soon enough. I needed to keep thinking positive but I couldn't. All I could think about was running a cold blade across my skin to relieve me from this mental torture that was going on.

It seems to be my only release these days, my only distraction from life itself, my only way out. It takes away all of the pain and makes me feel good after it, the only thing that could do that in my life right now. It's the only constant in my life right now.

No one wants me here, no one cares about me, everyone will be better off without me, I just seem to cause problems for everyone, they seem to get pissed off with me so much more easily than what they used to and that depresses me. I don't let anyone know how I'm feeling though, no one knows what's going on and that's the way it's going to stay. I don't want to burden people with my problems, I was given these problems to face and deal with on my own and that's whats going to happen. Everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that everything that happens in my life, happens because I deserve it. Plain and simple.

I get torn out of my delusional thoughts when I fall to the sand with the force of the frisbee hitting me. Great, what else is going to happen today? Jess is the first one to my side with a worried look on her face.

"Omg Lil, are you okay?!" She looks like she is in quite a bit of a panic. I start giggling.

"Yeah of course I am, I was just daydreaming and wasn't paying attention." Jess' face softens at the sound of my giggle.

"Oh good, you scared me then!" She playfully scolds me as she helps me back to my feet once again.

Lewis walks over to me looking rather sheepish.