Undiscovered

24.

(Hey guys! In the next few updates everything is going to get confusing but it will finally straighten out, just keep reading and hopefully it will make sense soon! It's confusing enough as the whole book is basically two stories in one, (Emilee+Harry's and Lilie's) and I know I haven't written much in Emilee and Harry's POV in a while so here we go, back up to Chester we travel! Hope y'all enjoy!)

Harry's POV

"Yes mum, I know. I know, but I just can't leave. I need this space from everything because everything is so overwhelming and I haven't been through anything like this before with someone but I cant just run!" I've been on the phone to my mother for about half hour now, she sounds so worried about me, but she can't convince me to leave.

"Yes Harry, you can. No one will blame you, this is a big thing to take on, especially at your age. I know how you feel about Emilee darling, but you won't be able to cope with something this big." She pleads for me to leave, right now, and to never turn back and reflect on what I would leave behind. 

But how could she ever expect me to do that? All I've done all my life is run from my problems, I can't with this, I'm in the deep end, yes I threw myself into it but I can't just leave Emilee now. Everything my mother has said to me is very convincing but how could I leave? All she has done is weigh up the pro's and con's and in her mind there are more pro's to running than there are con's but I just simply can't bring myself to do it.

I'm too involved, Emilee and I love each other, I've been there for her since the beginning of this awful ordeal, I can't just walk away now. Old habits die hard. I need to get myself out of this vicious cycle before I relapse. I can't let history repeat itself. I can't just run from my problems every time they start to become serious and I can't seem to cope mentally or emotionally. I need to let my walls down a little to let people in to support me and to help me through this, I don't need to be encouraged to make the wrong decisions over and over and over again.

 "Mum, you're just encouraging the wrong thing right now and it's not helping at all. I can't just keep running from my problems every time they get too much for me. That's all I've ever done in the past an dyou know that, you should be helping me through this, not telling me to give up before I've even started running the race. I need the help and support of the ones who I love and from the ones who supposedly love me."

I need her to know exactly how I'm feeling, she can't just keep telling me to run when I should be building myself up for situations like this. What if this had happened to my sister or my mother? Would she still be telling me to carry on running from my problems? To carry on with my life and start over by leaving her behind all on her own to deal with everything? No, it would be a completely different story if the tables had turned and that's what she needs to realise.

I would of taken my mother's advice first off if someone told me eight months ago that this was going to happen, but no one can predict the future, you just have to wait and see what it holds and reveals for you.

"Yes, Harry, I know that but you shouldn't be in a situation like this, Emilee's your girlfriends but she won't be around forever, it's not as if she's the one or anything, I don't see why you're sticking around, you're still young, you shouldn't be dealing with this shit."

Why does she have to go and say things like that? She always knows what buttons to push to piss me the fuck off.

"That is the most insensitive thing that has ever come out of your mouth mum! Who gives a shit if I'm still young? And Emilee isn't just a girlfriend, what if I do decide to make her mine and marry her? How shit would you feel then? You always told me to never give up or stop fighting for what I want and maybe, just maybe mum, I've finally found out what I want."

It took my mother to reply, I hope I left her speechless, all she has done since I've picked up the phone to her is complain about the whole situation, yes, she should be worried but at the end of the day, she isn't the one who is dealing with all this and supporting not just Emilee but also her family. She isn't the one who sits with Emilee day in and day out watching her health deteriorate or pick back up for a short while. She isn't the one who sees the states Emilee gets herself into or when she is freezing cold with boiling hot sweats or when she's started vomiting as her reaction to her medication. My mother has never seen anything to do with Emilee's illness and she probably never will, so how can she have the audacity to say one bad word about this situation when really, she is completely blindsided to it?

"I didn't expect you to have a reply to anything I had to say, but let me just fucking remind you mum, I'm the fucking one who have sat by her side since day one, I've seen Emilee at her worst, and I've most certainly fucking seen her at her best, I've sat there through every single transplant and every fucking reaction she has had to the medication she has to have, I've been there every time the Doctor has wanted to speak to her and I've been there through the fucking awkward, intense moment of meeting her mother all those months back when she didn't have a fucking clue what was going on with her,"

I needed to breathe and try to keep my cool before I blew up in my mother's face, "so don't you fucking dare try to convince me to walk away from this whole fucked up situation, it doesn't matter what state I get myself into, my main priority is Emilee, and if you kept in regular contact with me mum, you'd fucking know that."

She still didn't say anything, I mentally give myself a pat on the back for my speech.

"Now if you don't mind mum, I have a sick girlfriend waiting for me at the hospital and I have no more time to waste by speaking to you, bye."

My blood is literally boiling, she doesn't even understand how pissed off she makes me feel. My hands are shaking and I look down at my phone to see my fist wrapped tightly around it and my knuckles turning white. Fuck. I need to calm myself down.

My breathing hitches as I try to keep my cool but it's not working. Before I even realise what I've done, my knuckles come in contact with the brick wall behind me, making the canvas jump. I repeat my action, not feeling the pain but only thinking about how this is helping my anger.

I notice blood, running down my arm from my knuckles, shit, this isn't good.

"Fuckkkkk!" I scream out, luckily, I live on my own and have no neighbours. Today is already fucking torturous and it's hardly started.

How the fuck am I supposed to explain this to Emilee once I get to the hospital? 

The pain is starting to seep through the numbness that I seem to be feeling, it's bare-able, for now anyway.

I make my way into my kitchen, running the cold water tap before rinsing off my hand and keeping it under the water to take down some of the swelling.

I've punched walls thousands of times, and my hand has never looked this bad before, the black bruising has already come out around my knuckles, fuck if I didn't know any better I would say I've broken it.

I need to take my mind off of everything before I go to see Emilee, I can't turn up at the hospital in the state that I'm in, pissed off as fuck and possibly a broken hand.

..

(Hey guys! Everyone remember the last chapter with Lilie? ooooo, what's gunna happen?! Hehehe, I shall be updating soon, maybe tomorrow, hopefully I will get to her part int he next chapter, hope y'all enjoy! Don't forget to comment and vote! Love y'all!xo )