Undiscovered

34.

Harry's POV

It's been six days. Six days since I've seen her and I'm driving myself insane. 

It's nearly the end of September. It feels like it's been months since I've seen her delicate face. Months since I've touched her silky skin. Months since I've tasted her sweet lips. This is torture.

DAY ONE

What have I done? Why did I walk out on her and why didn't she run after me? All day I've been driving myself insane thinking about the what if's and should have's.

It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I still haven't got out of bed. I don't feel like it, I don't feel like moving. I've never felt so drained in all my life.

All I feel like doing is sleeping all day everyday until this pain in my chest is gone.

I wonder what she's doing right now, does she feel the same as me? Or is she happy that she's finally got rid of me?

DAY TWO

I've had the worst night sleep possible. All I've done is toss and turn wondering what Emilee is doing and how she's feeling. I've been so tempted to text her, to ring her just to hear her voice on one more time but I can't let that happen. I can't give in just yet, it's only been two days.

I have to keep reminding myself that she doesn't want me anymore, she won't admit that she wants anyone let alone needs anyone to help her through all of this emotionally and physically.

I feel more drained now than what I ever was when we were together.

I haven't eaten since I walked out of her apartment, I haven't been able to keep anything down, I've hardly drunk anything. All I've done is sleep.

DAY THREE

I've finally managed to get out of bed for while, I'm still not dressed tidy or looking the best but I'm out of bed and that's the main thing. 

Emilee rung me earlier but I missed the call and then my phone died so I haven't replied. I hope everything is okay with her. I should really ring her back but if it was that important that she needed to get hold of me, she would ring my house phone. She knows the number.

I've managed to get some toast down me and half a cup of coffee. I do feel a bit sick but at least I've eaten something. I feel terrible and all I want t do is sleep again.

I really need to stop moping about my house but I've got nothing to do, no motivation to leave my house at all. I wonder what she's up to tonight?

DAY FOUR

It's 2 am and I'm sweating cold sweats and breathing heavily. This nightmare has completely shaken me up. It was so horrible yet so realistic. I never want to experience again. 

I feel like the room is closing in on me and I can't breathe properly. I need to calm myself down before I go and get myself some water. Only if she was here. 

I finally calm myself down enough to walk to my kitchen and pour myself a glass of water. The room is still spinning a little but it's not closing in on me anymore. I wonder if she's woken up inn the same state as me?

DAY FIVE

I've finally made myself a full meal and managed to keep it all down, and I've finaly got dressed. Last night keeps playing on my mind and I can't get the image of her and blood out of my mind. I never want to experience something so brutal every again.

I know it wasn't real but it still doesn't help with my situation at all. I just want all this to go away now. I've had my few days of torture and now it needs to leave. It's making me worse being in this house all on my own. 

It was fine before, before Emilee came along. It was fine but now, being on my own in this house isn't the same. It's lonely and depressing and I need to get out of that state of mind.

All I've managed to do today is watch shit TV and shit films just to pass the time and try to keep my mind off of her. Her. The root of all of my problems. But I don't mind. I love her being my problem. It keeps me going, it keeps my mind at ease when I'm with her. It keeps me in the know when I learn new things about her each day and now that's all gone.

I've put my phone on charge, that's an improvement anyway. I haven't managed to get myself killed by drinking awy my sorrows or punching a wall. All I've done is mope around my house and sleep for three days out of five. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad.

I don't know right from wrong anymore, I know it's only been a few days but this is the longest the pair of us have been apart. I hope she's okay. I hope she's happy now without me.

What if she's moved on and found someone new already?

DAY SIX

Monday morning. Monday fucking morning. Why, why, why, why, why. Why do I have to get up at this ungodly hour and be forced to go back to work?

I shouldn't be complaining, this is the most I've done all week, I should be happy that I have something to motivate me to get off my backside and do something other than sleeping for a few hours of the day.

I normally work from home like I have for a few months now but I've got to go in for a few important meetings with big companies for a few hours. I don't have to do much, just sit and listen and brainstorm a few ideas every once in a while. It's a piece of piss basically. Nothing to strenuious. 

Work was boring. The meetings were boring and I hardly ate all day once again. A few people noticed how rough I was looking and gave me a few looks but didn't dare say anything to me. I couldn't be arsed to explain anything that was going on in my life. Plus, it's none of their damn business anyway.

I feel like shit again and all I want to do is sleep. I'm so glad I can work from home for the rest of the week, that means I can do whatever the hell I want during the day, mainly sleep.

I wonder what she's up to today, I wonder if she's had to go back to the hospital for any transfusions.

I need to speak to her but I don't know what I'm supposed to say, will she even reply to me? All I'm doing is procastrinating when really I need to man the fuck up, grow some balls and text the damn girl.

*Hey. How are you?*

I can't bring myself to say anything more nor anything less. And now all I've done is put myself into an awkward position and started breaking my walls down little by little.

Why did I let this happen? Why did I let her get to me so badly.

Why have I let her taint me.