Undiscovered

11.

(I didn't double update yesterday sorry guys, something came up. But it's only dinner time so I'll try and update now and then later on tonight:p, there won't be a lot of speech in this chapter, like the last with Harry's POV, it's their thoughts and feelings inside their heads. Btw, everything, medically termed is correct, everything in the hospital all happened in real life, so don't think I'm making up the illnesses and shit, bc I'm not!:))

Emilee's POV

This hospital is stressing me the fuck out and I hate it. I'm worried and paranoid that the worst could happen to me. I know Harry is trying to keep his cool to make me feel comfortable, which it is working, a bit, but I still have this huge worry. I know it's bad because I bruise easily and the doctor said about hemophilia, which is bad in itself but I just have the feeling that it isn't going to end there, it's going to get worse and I don't know if I can prepare myself for that like I have for everything else major in my life.

Just by Harry being here is making me feel a little better and I'm glad he came with me but I know how this is going to turn out and I can only prepare myself for him, and for what he will do. It doesn't matter how many promises he will make, I know if this gets too much, even for me, he will leave. I don't want him to leave but I don't want the fuss and attention, I just don't know what I want or what I'm going to do.

I have this feeling in me that I won't be as strong as what I was if I let people in and let them try to help me, because all I've ever know is me, and only me, sorting out my problems, on my own. By letting someone in is like getting them to fight my battles for me and I don't want that to happen.

At this moment in time, I just want to be back at the apartment, all cuddled up on the sofa with Harry, watching films and falling asleep on him, that's all I want in my life, just simplicity. But, no. I'm here at the hospital with Harry worrying about me and me sitting here, numb, not knowing how to react or what to say. How the fuck am I supposed to act? I've just been told that I've got hemophillia but that isn't the end, there is a high chance it's something worse which is causing hemophilia to be a side effect. Great! I just rather sit here in silence, because I fucking hate hospitals, always have, always fucking will. By making me wait for the results to return is making me even more paranoid, I swear hospitals do this on purpose to make patients go insane before giving them the news, if that's their aim, it's fucking working.

The waiting part is fucking horrible, my mind is running into overdrive and I can't control it. It's running through stupid senarios that could happen, but I try to convince myself that it's not that bad and the doctor will just give me some medication and I'll be on my way. Harry and I have been sitting here for half an hour now and not very much has been said, both of us are too worried to speak, and I know Harry is worrying about me a lot more than what he has led on. I hate when he worries about me, he shouldn't have to. But I know what he would say, "You're my girlfriend, of course I should worry about you." And I would just end up sighing and rolling my eyes at him, the usual.

He's so amazing, I'm glad I'm thinking about him, he is keeping me distracted from reality and he has done since the first day I met him, he distracted me from my thoughts then and he is doing the same now, even when he doesn't realise. He is absolutely amazing, he makes me feel happiness again, which I really haven't felt in a few years. It's not that I've moped about being all upset, I've just hidden my feelings and got on with life, that's all I've known. There's no point in being upset over something that you can't do anything about or change, yes of course I've cried about things a few times but I've just got on with it. It makes life a little easier, pretending that nothing bad is happening. And, that's all I seem to do with my life, I'm not scared of reality, I just rather not face it unless I have to and that's always how I've dealt with everything. I've just locked my apartment door, watched films, or done work and then gone to sleep and not thought a lot about anything until the time came. I've protected myself from the outside world and I don't know how long I can keep the act up before my walls break down. One thing that I know for sure is, I'm not ready to crumble yet, I'm going to at least try and fight until the end.