Undiscovered

36.

Songs for this chapter:

A Great Big World - Say Something (I'm giving up on you)

Zedd - Stay the night ft. Hayley Williams

John Newman - Love me again

P!nk - Just give me a reason ft. Nate Ruess

Harry's POV

All I've had is constant text messages and phone calls off my friends trying to get me out of my house since they all know Emilee and I aren't together anymore. I can't seem to want to face any of them anymore, I feel like this break up is all my fault and I can't seem to figure out why.

Even if I did want to go out, I rather go out on my own, just to clear my head and try and process my thoughts silently.

It's been a week and I still don't know what to do with myself, what's she up to? Even though she text me, it's been small talk, nothings the same and I don't think anything will be the same again, we've both hit a wall and even though I'm willing to give it a try again, will it ever been the same?

Will people notice the cracks in our foundations which we can't even plaster up together? 

I need to stop over-thinking and working myself up about this whole relationship. I need to get out, on my own.

I don't even look in the mirror to check my appearance before grabbing my car keys and locking my house up behind me.

I drive to my favourite little Chinese restaurant, not necessarily to eat, but just to have some quiet, I know it's never really busy on weekdays anyways.

There aren't many familiar faces in the restaurant when I get there which I'm glad of, I rather just be a wallflower for the day, just sit there and watch other people get on with their happy or stressful lives.

Even though I thought I wouldn't want to eat, after sitting here for 15 minutes, and smelling all the beautiful smells of food, I decided to order something to keep me occupied and quite frankly, I can't remember the last time I ate something or a decent amount.

I manage to finish the small portion of food I ordered for myself, it was lovely but it didn't pass any of the pain that I'm feeling. I know I need to try and forget about everything for a moment and think bout myself but I just can't seem to make that happen.

My head is spinning with thoughts of Emilee and my nightmare about her, I feel like I'm hallucinating when I look over a lock eyes with her wide hazel eyes. That surely can't be her sitting on her own but I can't seem to stop staring, I can't break the glare even though I know that it can't be her sitting right there, less than two meters away from me.

My jaw drops when Emilee shyly turns away from me after staring at me for the last minute and a half. It really is her and I'm more upset than pissed off that she's turned away from me. She really has ended this, she hasn't even tried to be civil and said 'hello', nothing, she wants nothing to do with me.

I really don;t even understand what I've done wrong in this whole relationship, I've given her my all, stuck by her side when she needed me the most and even told her I love her and yet she still lets me go and tells me I 'deserve someone better'. Who's she to tell me that? People can't help who they fall in love with and it just so happens that I've fallen in love with Emilee.

I can't take the fact that she's sitting over there and won't even talk to me, it's too tempting to go over and say something, but instead I just get up and walk out, I don't even look back to see if she's following me or even calling after me. If this is how she wants to be then fine, if she wants to sit there and make me feel like shit then I'm going to let her do it, but I'm not going to sit around all day and mope about it and think about all of the 'what if's'. 

That's not happening. 

It takes me 5 minutes to drive home, half the time it usually takes. I had to pry my hands from the steering wheel when I parked on my driveway, my knuckles were white and I'm shaking. I don't even know why I'm so worked up. Maybe just seeing her, and her ignoring me. I have a really bad temper when I want it to be.

I grab my phone from my pocket once I'm inside my house and quickly dial one of the boys' numbers.

"Hey Li, that drink you were talking about, fancy it tonight?" My voice sounds rushed but right now I don't care, I just need to calm down and get my head sorted out, perfect night for drinking.

"Yeah man, of course, the boys and I are meeting up in an hour at the Old Court, be there or be square." Liam chuckles.

"See you later man." I hang up, going into my bathroom to get ready for a night out with the boys.

Emilee's POV

"Harry! Wait!" He's out the door, gone. He obviously didn't hear me because I would like to think that he would have turned around if he did.

"What have I done?" I say to myself, I've completely ruined him, I could see in his eyes, I could see the guilt building up. 

But the thing is, none of this was his fault, not one bit of it. It's all my fault and I feel like a total bitch for not being able to bring myself to speak to him. I called after him as he walked out of the restaurant, didn't exactly make much of an effort, I just hoped he didn't hear me so I wouldn't have to me all awkward and have a serious conversation with him. Guess my wish came true.

I just don't know what to do with myself or with him. I want him back in my life but I don't feel like it's been long enough yet for us to speak and try and sort it all out. Everything is still fresh, still out in the open and up in the air, I feel like I need to let the dust settle before even attempting to heal the deep wounds I've caused him. I want them to disappear, I don't even want them to turn into scars, I want them to go back to being nothing.

My appetites gone again, I leave money on the table before grabbing my bag and walking out of the restaurant to go back home to my apartment, alone.

~~~

It's been two weeks since I've seen Harry in that little Chinese restaurant and I've heard nothing off him, but then again why would I? I bet he hates my guts.

Everything's been okay with the hospital, just been back and forth for blood tests and transfusions as per usual. I seem to have nothing to do with my time. All I seem to be doing in my apartment is either reading or watching some shit on TV. Life is no fun anymore.

I grab my phone from the other side of the sofa before I start typing a message:

To: Lilie :)

*Hey Lil, you free for a couple of days? :) xx*

It doesn't take long for her to reply to my text.

*Hey, yeah of course I am, what's up? xx*

*Come and stay with me for a bit? I'm booking your train ticket as we speak, I'll send you the email, just print it off and I'll meet you this end, love ya xx*

It might be a bit rushed but I need someone to come and keep me company and to get my mind off the whole situation with Harry and I, I need a distraction and I'm sure Lilie will be happy to be my distraction.

*Okay great, see you tomorrow sis xx*

Let's see how this one will play out.