His Way To Sainthood

Ang Mga Bedtime Stories ng Taon

#HWTS17

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Tahimik lang ako pagbalik. Buti na lang kamo, we're not riding in his car or else he'd notice that I'm unusually silent. I'm thanking God for the helmet (that I think I kept on for too long) so I don't have to meet his eyes. And I'm also thanking Him for the talents he gave; malapit na akong mag-audition talaga sa mga indie film.

I kept on smiling the whole trip back to his condominium and it was a wrong move, after all. Hindi pa rin kami bumibitaw sa isa't-isa pero pagkasarado na pagkasarado nya ng pinto, at nu'ng moment na bibitaw na sana ako because well, we can't stay like that forever or else we wouldn't be able to do other things, he... held me.

He pulled me into his chest and hugged me tight.

"I love you."

I was quiet for a while. I inhaled his scent, pulled away, and smiled.

"You don't have to tell me that just because you think na nalungkot ako sa usapan natin kanina, Richard."

Tinitigan nya ako ng matagal.

"Can we talk?"

I felt like I'm up for bedtime stories sadder than those of the Grimm brothers, but nevertheless, I nodded. I can't go away, anyway. It's the talk or it's the talk. Walang other options. And I don't want to go around the problem, too. I have to go through it. Ipo-provide ko ang lahat ng pag-uusap na kailangan nya.

I took a quick shower and changed into another set of clothes, at sumunod naman sya. Habang nasa banyo sya, at naiwan akong mag-isa, kung anu-ano ang naiisip ko. Kung anong pag-uusapan namin, kung bakit kami mag-uusap. I prepared myself kung ano mang... mapag-uusapan.

Halos tumalon na 'yung puso ko palabas ng dibdib ko nu'ng marinig ko 'yung pinto ng banyo. I kept on telling myself to act normally pero naalala kong never akong naging normal lang sa buong buhay ko (I am always doing something out of the ordinary and end up embarrassing myself) so I didn't bother. Nahiga lang ako doon sa kamang tinulugan ko dati at inintay sya na umakyat na. So much for acting normal.

Hindi ko alam kung matagal lang talaga sya o nahihila ko 'yung oras kasama ng katangahan ko. Surprisingly, hindi ko iniisip masyado 'yung I love you nya. Ramdam ko naman kasi, eh. Ramdam ko naman na he cares for me and he treasures me. Siguro sa ibang tao, dapat lang na gawin nya 'yung mga bagay na 'yon. To other people who knew our story, a lot might blame him for not loving me back in the same way that I do.

Pero sa akin, okay lang talaga. Sure, I can't help but to be sad at times. Tao lang din naman ako. Mukha lang dyosa, but tao lang din na tumatae sa toilet bowl at nagkakaroon ng muta tuwing umaga. I can't be a perfect sang'gre at all times.

But I'm a woman who has made her choice.

Nakaharap ako sa dingding kaya naman nu'ng naramdaman kong may naupo sa gilid ng kama, naupo na rin ako ng diretso. There he is, at the edge of the bed, drying his damp hair cutely. Ang sarap nya lang panoorin. He grinned sheepishly at me and asked sweetly, "Inaantok ka na ba?"

I shook my head. "Hindi naman. Gusto ko lang mahiga."

"That's just right; don't sleep with your hair wet. Come here," and I willingly obliged. I scooped closer. He sat himself further into the bed until his back reached the wall. Nakadikit kasi itong kama sa dingding. Pinatong ko 'yong mga binti ko sa mga binti nya, but when he reached up to dry my hair, the position was uncomfortable.

So he made me sit between his legs.

He dried my hair in silence, using the towel he had on his hair a while ago. Walang nagsasalita sa amin, and I found the gesture intimate. We weren't kissing or hugging and we're not even cuddling. Richard was just drying my hair, without saying anything. Maingat nyang tinuyo iyong buhok ko, at hindi na rin naman ako nagsalita. Parang gusto ko nang magpatuyo ng buhok sa kanya araw-araw at itapon iyong hair blower ko.