His Way To Sainthood

Ang Dramatic Walkout ng Taon

#HWTS19 

//

"Saan ka galing?"

I returned to my seat and didn't even bother following them. Inintay ko na lang sya kung babalik sya or hindi. I don't know. What I've witnessed might be symbolical enough for him to be #shookdt. What happens if you encounter your first love after a year of being in the seminary? At sya pa 'yung dahilan ng pagpasok mo? What happens then?

I'm trying so hard to process this information calmly. A part of me wanted to scream and just pull that woman's hair para makalbo na sya, an inhumane instinct, but then a bigger part of me just wanted to understand the situation.

Calm down, Maine. Let him talk.

"I just took a call from my mother," he replied. "Sorry, natagalan. Hindi ka pa kumakain?"

Tiningnan ko lang sya. He was smiling, but something was obviously off.

Ginagawa mo ba akong tanga? Don't you think I have seen enough of you to know when you aren't telling the truth?

And the lies come back again.

Sobrang sakit para sa akin pero pinili kong huwag magsalita. Baka kasi kung anong masabi ko sa kanya ngayon. And it's just a little lie, 'di ba? Maliit na bagay lang siguro 'to. Kaya ko pa. Whoo. Regine!

"Anong sabi ng Mama mo?"

"Nangangamusta lang."

I dropped the conversation and continued eating. We even talked about the movie we watched last week and how I wasn't able to get over it. Ilang beses nya kasing pinapanood sa akin 'yung The Prestige at never ko namang natapos kasi nga lagi akong nakakatulog, tapos ngayong natapos ko na, sobrang mindblown ako. Ang ganda talaga, sobra. Nakalikot 'yung utak ko.

"There are other good movies to watch," sabi nya sa akin, at inisa-isa nya 'yung mga paborito nyang films. Pinanood ko lang sya habang nagsasalita sya kahit halatang-halata ko naman na pinipilit lang nya. He even got a title wrong; I know. I know because I memorized all those sa ilang beses nyang pag-uulit-ulit sa akin. "We should watch another. Kukurutin at kukurutin kita para magising ka all throughout."

"Okay," I simply smiled at him and acted like nothing was wrong. Kasi wala naman talaga, 'di ba?

//

Ever since that incident, something might have... changed.

Or ako lang 'yun?

Praning na yata ako.

I am a light-sleeper. Kaunting galaw lang, nagigising na ako, kaya alam ko kapag chinecheck ni Richard kung nasa tabi pa rin nya ako, at tuwing alas-dos 'yun ng umaga. He just doesn't glance at me. He sits up straight and stays awake for a while. Hindi ko rin sya tinatanong tungkol doon. Basta alam ko lang na gising sya. Hindi ko rin alam ang ginagawa nya dahil nararamdaman ko lang sya na nakaupo sa tabi ko.

But tonight, he didn't stay seated next to me. Noong nagising sya, tumayo sya at kinuha 'yung phone sa maliit na drawer katabi ko, because we started sleeping on his bed. Mas malawak kasi 'yon kesa sa unang tinulugan namin dati.

I heard the bathroom door shut, and it took him minutes to come back.

Hindi na lang din ako nagtanong. Hindi ko rin naman alam kung alam nyang mabilis akong magising sa gabi.

The next weekend, as we slept, it happened again. 

Hindi ko naman gustong gawin pang issue 'yon, but then one small gesture that I also noticed is that he started sleeping with his back facing me. Hindi na rin ako nag-react pero baka kasi isipin nya na I'm making a fuss out of something so trivial. Ayoko naman ng ganu'n. I said that we should grow together and I don't want to be labeled immature.