Lost In Spain

Chapter 29: Last Shot At Confrontations

I have no idea of how long I've been in the shower recalling the events of last night over and over again. Dinner. The video. Me running away. Tristan. The kiss. Tristan's revelation.

Tristan's revelation.

Out of all the things that happened in the past twenty four hours, what Tristan told me last night is stuck in my mind. How could I be so freaking clueless all this time?

I sigh and continue standing in the shower, my body still, tears rolling down my face, and breath hitching.

* * *

Voices. Lights. Shadows. I don't know how long it has been since I come into senses and then drift back into unconsciousness. I can't seem to move, or see but I can vaguely sense the activities going around me.

Where am I though? What is happening? Where is Alex?

Alex.

Even though I can't seem to open my eyes, or move a single muscle in my body, Alex's face keeps flashing in my head. The way she looked at me, the heartbroken look on her face, her kissing Tristan.

She.. she thinks I cheated on her. She thinks I still love Louise. She.. she..

And unconsciousness calls me back into its embrace.

* * *

"Alex, you need to eat.", dad says.

It has been three days since that horrible night when everything went wrong. I haven't left my room or checked my phone.

"I'm not hungry, dad.", I tell him the same thing I've been repeating for about the past seventy two hours.

"Alex-"

"Please, dad. Just go."

"Fine, I'll go.", he sighs. "Honey, out of all the things that you can become, it's disappointing that you choose to be sad.", he says and leaves.

These words don't affect me, not one bit. What affects me is the words dad said after he found out Kim had been cheating on him.

"It sucks, you know? Loving someone unconditionally and having them choose someone else over you.", he had said. Now I realise just how much it sucks.

All this time, I had been waiting for a saving, and when it finally came, it shattered me furthermore.

I turn on the television to try and take my mind off things, I play a random episode of One Tree Hill but it seems like the universe is enjoying my misery.

The show starts with Peyton's words mocking me; "Is it me? Am I the reason people always leave? Am I the reason.. all these things keep happening to me? Maybe I'm just destined to be alone?"

And once again, I'm left with thoughts of where it all went wrong?

Was I not good enough? Not pretty enough? Does my attitude bother him? Or maybe it's all the baggage that comes along with me?

But.. I tried. I tried to be the best I could. I let him in. I trusted him. He's the first guy I've ever been with, willingly at least. I loved him unconditionally. With every inch of who I am. Every fucking inch.