Broken Pieces

Chapter eighteen

I had a feeling that my day was going be very amazing as I'd woken up with a bright attitude. I'd managed to put the whole Caden scenario behind me. I think it was to the credit of the excitement I felt because I would soon be back in new york and begin my business officially.

Since, the day was my last day in LA, I wanted to spend it doing different things. I decided to swim in Caden's pool.

I had brought a white one-piece stretch cotton swimsuit and after changing into it. I went to the pool and had to admire the patio that overlooked the pool again.

Being a person that had always enjoyed a sensuous pleasure in the feel of water on my skin, I had always loved swimming even though I didn't do it as much as I would like.

After almost a dozen laps, I finally got out of the pool and after relaxing some more in the patio. I decided that the next thing I would do was try to finish the book I had started reading before I left.

As I now sat in the sitting room after completing all I wanted to do for the day, I spent my time thinking of different things. I continued to think of how I had really enjoyed the day. My last day in LA was going just perfectly, I had my bags packed and was ready to leave anytime soon.

I was sitting in the living room, just thinking of different things in my life but avoiding any disturbing thoughts. When I first sat on the sofa again, I'd found myself thinking of the kiss but I'd quickly shut it down.

Caden wasn't the first person that I had kissed but he was the first after some time. My last boyfriend was in highschool, I broke up with him after the accident and after certain things that I'd rather not think about happened.

He was a great person and completely supportive but I felt like all my feelings for him had been wiped out after the accident. I felt like he was an inconvenience but everything in the town had been suffocating at the time anyway, so I guess the problem was me.

But, I still regretted how everything ended because he wasn't only my boyfriend but a very close friend. It was my fault but I wouldn't dwell on that either as I always tried not to think about him or anything from my past.

I never dated again after him even though I was asked out a lot of times. That didn't mean that I hadn't had sex since my last boyfriend. The last time I kissed anyone and had sex was a year ago and it was with a complete stranger. It was at a party and it wasn't one of my best decisions but I had made a lot of those.

That was why I wasn't really concerned by this Caden scenario because I wasn't interested in dating him but the question of what I really wanted from him was hard to answer.

I pushed away those thoughts and was now thinking of the new things that awaited me in new york.  I was not feeling as happy as I'd hoped to feel when the time came. I was feeling completely sure about it now though but I knew that my nerves would fail me when the time came.

Lucy, Andrea and Mia had been giving me reports on the progress of the shop I wanted to open. They had all been completely supportive and confident in my success but my insecurities always crept in, making me feel scared at times.

I changed my position on the sofa and turned to lock eyes with Caden. My eyes widened as I took in his presence, he looked like he had been standing there for a long time.

His usual unreadable expression was on his face. My heartbeat on the other hand was anything but usual. I broke eye contact with him and stood up to leave.

"Are you going back home today?"

I took two more steps after I heard his words, initially planning to ignore him but something made me stop. Made me turn to him and decide to ask him the questions I needed answers to.

"What do you want from me, Caden?" I asked, surprising him and myself a little.

Caden's eyes grew colder at my question and I shook my head. "If you want to go back to being cold to me then do it right. Caden, do it like you have always done. Ignore me completely, stop asking irrelevant questions and watching me for no reason."

Caden didn't reply, he just turned and started walking away. I felt like stomping my feet on the ground as I would have preferred a reply to his silence.

I huffed, "Seriously, Caden! You have nothing to say to all I just said?"

Caden had turned when I started speaking and his expression changed to one of confusion as I finished talking. The expression on his face said, isn't that what you wanted me to do?

He'd probably thought that I wanted him to stop talking to me but I wanted my answers first. I stood my ground as I watched him search for what to say.

"Erica..."

I caught him off. "You know what I want to talk about right?"

Caden's face grew stormy and I knew that he didn't want to talk about it but I was past caring about what he wanted.

"I am not asking because I want a commitment from you but I want you to admit it to yourself. Why did you kiss me, Caden?"

The air was tense and Caden rubbed his hands down his face, showing his frustration. Then he regained his composure and shrugged. "Why does anyone kiss an available girl." He said it as more of a statement than question.

"Excuse me?"

I laughed humorlessly as I got over my initial shock. "Really Caden... even you should be better than that," he didn't even blink, "This is about Chloe right?"

Nothing in Caden's attitude showed that he was affected by my words except the rigid set of his jaw and that gave me confidence to continue.

"You are probably regretting kissing someone that reminds you of another person in your past. Especially someone that hurt you like Chloe."

He flinched at me saying her name again and I knew that he now regretted telling me anything.

I ignored him. "But I know that this isn't only about Chloe because I know that it was more than you being emotionally vulnerable and seeking comfort. You know it and I know it too, Caden."

Caden's expression was still the same. "I think you are right. I should clarify my statement. I was emotionally vulnerable and I probably thought you were Chloe."

"Fuck you, Caden! That's not what I said. You need to stop judging me by Chloe. I am not Chloe, you have said so yourself."

He pretended like he hadn't heard me as he continued talking. "I am sure of this as I am judging you by you and I still feel nothing. It was just a mistake that will never repeat itself."

I could be very sensitive to words at times and Caden's words cut me deep. And I think he saw it too because some emotion flickered in his eyes but he turned away and walked out.

*****

As James drove me to the airport, I finally decided that Caden Crawford wasn't worth it and I would never have to see him for a long time. I would never be in his house again if I was ever in LA nor would I ever think about him or this incident.

The part of his words that hurt me was unknown to me but I knew that it hurt my pride somehow. He sounded so sure of his words and I guess it was just a kiss and I was the one who had turned it all into a big deal.

I didn't even know what it was that I wanted him to admit. Maybe that I wasn't the only one that was attracted to him or that he had really wanted to kiss me.

If I had been asked before we talked, I would have said that I didn't regret the kiss as it was just a kiss. But, now I regretted it because I wished it had never happened.

The only good thing was that my attraction to Caden had been effectively destroyed by him. I hated jerks by nature and Caden was someone that liked attacking people with mean words. So, he was off my mind and knowing myself I would forget the whole episode soon.

I had managed to forget or push unpleasant experiences to the back of my mind a lot of times and this one wouldn't be an exception.