Broken Pieces

Chapter forty-two

Caden Crawford had just asked me to be his girlfriend and though I'd felt broken when I heard nothing real could ever be between us-now that a chance for one opened up-I felt undecided.

That he wanted to make us public and official-that he wanted something better than what we had before, made me more torn and shocked than happy.

I blamed it on the deal with his father and everything his father. And as I looked at his hopeful expression that seemed to dim as each second of silence after his question passed, I felt bad.

I knew I wanted to say yes more than anything but I really needed to think of everything and anything that came with being with Caden. So, I told him I would think about it.

He didn't seem surprised by my reluctance but his hopeful look died. He looked sad but said, "I know you need more time to think on it and decide if I'm worthy of you. You wouldn't want to date someone with as much family issues as I have. Especially with me lying and saying those things about you to my father."

"No! That's not really my problem right now. I believe your words that you were trying to protect me. It's just the thing with your father."

I paused. "I'm not so sure I want to go into this and all that comes with it. And I want to be sure before going into anything with you. I also don't think everything with your father is done and, Caden, I know you're still hiding something from me but if it would affect me, I believe you would tell me. It might hurt me but I know you would tell me. Or at least I hope you would."

Caden swallowed and looked away from me. I knew my answer then but I didn't want to push because I understood that he had to have his secrets.

We both didn't say anything for a while until Caden sighed into the heavy silence. "Do you see us being married someday? In your future?"

The intensity in his eyes stole my breath and my mouth opened and closed a few times but nothing came out. A happy feeling had consumed my heart and made it hard to answer his question. Because that question had made me think and I realized I wanted Caden in my future beyond any doubt.

I smiled unknowingly and Caden chuckled, breaking me out of my revery. I saw him smiling back at me. "That's how I felt when I thought of it. Marrying you seems way better than marrying an unknown person, than marrying any one. I wouldn't throw away having a real relationship with you and seeing how it goes and how it feels, for an automatic marriage with someone else. I can't bear never trying or knowing how it would have been like with you."

My heart warmed and my smile stayed fixed, my eyes teared up a little at the emotions I felt. I was tempted to give him a favorable answer right then. But I resisted.

Caden wasn't saying he really wanted to marry me like it was the only thing he could think of or what he needed or wanted right now and neither was I. But we were kind of agreeing that if we dated we were to leave that mystery person in the shadows until we ever broke up-where his deal with his father entails him following his father's earlier deal.

I knew his father will be rooting for our break up but the thought of having an official relationship with Caden made me excited but also brought fear because I was giving Caden more access to my heart and ways to hurt me.

Also, the thought that everyone were going to know about us added to that fear. It was a little scary because we couldn't be private anymore and I didn't know what our friends/his family would think. And a relationship from LA to New York will be harder to make work than a relationship a short cab ride from each other.

We'd talked some more and then Caden had left that day, six days ago and I had told him not to call, text or come to me but that he would receive my answer when I come to him instead.