Broken Pieces

Chapter fifty-seven

I felt an even bigger twist — than the ones I’ve had since when the idea formed and persisted in rising up in my mind — in my heart as I stood outside the door of an office.

My old therapist's office to be precise.

Dr. Harper Williams' office.

Her name plate was on the wooden door but I found myself feeling reluctant to go in even as I knew she was expecting me. I was reluctant because I'd thought I would never be back where I was but now I was — because I knew I needed to be where I stood. Or more precisely enter through the door and be inside the room, beginning the therapy session I paid for because that was what I needed.

However, I didn't want to, because I still wanted to lie to myself that drugging myself to sleep for the past three days since I left Kyle's house was normal.

That everything was still okay.

But it was a lie and I’d accepted it as that. Nothing was normal, this … thing was affecting me psychologically. My mental well-being was in shambles.

Because even with the drugs, I dreamt about the video and the accident continuously.

I wasn't even sure how I convinced myself everything was good, that I could push the things Kyle made come to light to the back of my mind as I usually did to any upsetting thing. I wasn’t sure how I thought I'd be able to forget and live normally or that I could manage on my own — because Kyle had continuously tried to contact me, a constant reminder.

Another reason I knew I needed help and why I was here was because though I tried, I hadn't been able to stop flinching at the littlest things. I had become extra jumpy around people even the ones I was close to.

Caden had noticed and I knew he wanted to ask but forced himself not to because he wanted to avoid a fight and keep me happy. But I knew that wouldn't last long, he'd soon be unable to take it anymore.

I knew Andrea and my dad thought I was having one of my episodes and they thankfully stayed clear. Though, seeing my dad the way he was reminded me of the video — the video that was stuck in my mind and refused to stop playing every day and night.

I finally gathered the courage to go into the office. I took in a slow breath and then twisted the door knob. The sight that greeted me was familiar even after all these years and it brought me some comfort, slightly relaxing my shaking nerves.

The warm smile that graced the older woman's features made an answering smile twist at my lips. Though it was a tremulous one.

“Erica… It's so great to see you again.” That rhythmic, soothing, almost lulling voice made me feel safe and like I could trust her. But I knew it was only an illusion, the feelings I felt didn't run deep.

Her voice always gave an impression like water washing over me and I knew it probably worked on her other patients but I knew it wouldn't for me because it didn't the last time. Meaning, despite the safe feeling I felt, I still never felt like I could tell her my secret without her judging me.

So, I never did. But now, I needed to talk to someone.

It couldn't be Caden, I was afraid of him judging me or that after he knew my secret, the affections he felt for me would reduce.

Not Andrea, because I knew she would believe the same thing I did — my dad deserved to know the truth — or even if she didn't, I didn't want her looking at me differently, which was inevitable.

“Are you going to hover at the door all day or come in?” I gave her an half smile and let the door shut behind me then began shuffling closer.