False Pretense [EreRi/RiRen AU]

Chapter 22: Fight and Regrets

Oh fuck. I really should stop giving chapter titles. They all suck.

Sucky chapter ahead. Proceed with caution.

Enjoy.

*****

It was so loud but quiet at the same time, the silence so loud I felt like I'm going be deaf. The whole world seemed to become still as if time itself stopped to prolong the agony that I'm causing to Eren. My body remained stiff but I can feel my hands trembling, my heart beating too fucking fast and my lungs begging for air. Still, I waited. I kept on waiting for the clue, for the signs, but it never came.

I didn't feel the connection that I was waiting for. The electricity that's supposed to spark when our lips met, the way my stomach should've twisted in knots, the way my heart should be fluttering in my chest as my heart swells in joy, none of it came.

Instead, all I felt was this heavy foreboding feeling of regret looming over me, putting a heavy weight on me, specifically on my chest. Like there was a boulder that was suddenly dropped on it. My stomach is churning in an unpleasant way, like how one would do if they did something very, very wrong. I am painfully aware of what caused this feeling. It was guilt.

We were standing there for fuck knows how long, but it felt like forever. Each second seems to drag by slower than it should be, and I'm so fucking sure that its doing it's best to prolong the hurt and pain that I'm causing to Eren.

I want to pull away, to run to Eren and apologize, but I can't move my body. I felt like I was paralyzed, pinned on the same spot by some unknown force. I can feel the fast beating of Rein's heart from where I'm gripping his shirt, his eyes had closed in the time our lips were touching.

Is he feeling the signs I'm searching for? Is he the only one who's able to experience the things that should've made this kiss meaningful, should've let me feel alight rather than feeling remorseful at myself?

There's nothing but self-hatred inside my mind as I just kept on pondering over my thoughts, actions. Why am I even doing this? Why do I keep on hurting Eren, even after all the fucking pain that he also has been through because of me?

Why is choosing between them so fucking hard?

Suddenly, I wanted to pull away. However, before I can even do it, Rein has been pulled away from me, my grip from his shirt slipping and just a second later, the sound of a fist hitting someone's face rang out in the silence. Rein stumbled and fell backwards, his hand shooting up to rest on his face where he had been hit. Standing a few feet away from him was Eren, seething with jealousy and rage, his turquoise eyes seemingly glowing with gold flecks under the faint moonlight.

Due to the shock, I was stilled, just watching the two of them with wide eyes.

"What the fuck is that for, Eren?!" Rein, who is always calm and cool-headed, snapped at his twin, looking up at him with a glare. He stood up and dusted himself off, his eyes still fixed on Eren.

Eren still has the same look on his face. It was the first time I saw him this angry. His eyes were ablaze, fueled by his jealously and envy, body rigid and fists shaking. He was taking deep breaths as if he's calming himself. If he does, he's doing a fucking poor job with it.

Rein stood up, his eyes never leaving Eren's face, although his amber eyes are throwing daggers at his twin, hostility and tension so evident in the air that it's almost tangible. Seeing them like that is a new thing for me, considering that they barely had a fucking fight throughout the years I knew the both of them, and nothing was ever this severe. But looking at the two of them right now, both ready to attack the other in just one wrong move, made me feel like I don't even know them at all.