Default Title - Write Your Own

one

I met Brian again the night I was going to kill myself. Pretty inconvenient, maybe embarrassing. But I can't change it now.

I had come to Huntington Beach in California to do it. It was purely for the fact that I couldn't stay in my home state any longer. I had grew up at Huntington. Born there, and planned to die there. I moved away to Washington when I was 16 with my family and had stayed there until now, at 22 years of age.

It was night time. I had gone to some cheap Irish styled pub and got completely hammered on god knows what. Then when I thought I was drunk enough, I hailed a cab and got taken to my old house near the beach, near my old school - Huntington Beach High school. There were lights on in the house and in the window as I stood outside, I saw a family in there. I counted 3 young kids and what seemed like 2 adults.

I was intoxicated enough to not really be aware of what was going on. All I had on my mind was the simple list of the night: drink; visit house; go to park; take pills. That was it. So any thoughts I would've normally had concerning the family in my old house being weirded out by me standing outside just didn't process in my mind.

I half wish I would've though as after a few minutes, I saw the silhouette of a child tugging on what I assumed to be their mother's dress then pointing out the window. I didn't comprehend it properly at all and looked behind me to see who the child was pointing out. And of course, behind me was just the darkness followed by the salty sprays of the ocean in the distance.

There were some bumps, the sound of a door unlocking then a man storming out the house, straight toward me. I don't remember much of what he said. To me, it was a loud mixture of cuss words and other various phrases of verbal abuse.

Somehow, I eventually managed to understand what he was getting at and after numerous attempts and figuring out what direction to go and clumsily wobbled away toward the park.

It only took a couple minutes to get there. It was getting darker by the minute as it was probably early hours of the morning by now. The park is where I used to hang out a lot. I remember a few friends of mine and I used to hang out there, sitting on the top of the climbing frames and lazily dragging our shoes on the gravel as we sat on the low hanging swings with a bottle of some kind of alcohol in our hands.

I made a lot of great memories here. I didn't remember some though, it was all fuzzy. I know my friends were mostly boys as I didn't really fit in with the girls that much. I do remember I had two girl best friends but that was it. They were twin sisters and much like me, didn't really fit into the girly scene at Huntington Beach High school.

This park was where we would come after school or over weekends, especially when I needed to escape my family. And my friends would always be there.

In my drunken actions, I managed to get through the park gate and start making my way down toward the woods at the edge of it. Although the actual park was where I went most of the time, when it rained or I needed time alone or one of the twins wanted to make out with another of the lads (which I knew definitely happened, I was never sure if they were really together or just great friends).

But that's where I was going now. I had some of my best times there. I specifically remember the day before I moved to Washington, all of us met up and we all sat in our little dig out in the woods. We all drank until we didn't know each other anymore then the next morning, I arrived in Washington with a massive hangover and a lot of paracetamol.

So, there I was. That faithful day - 9th July 2005. I perched myself on a log, deep in the forest. It was completely silent other than the occasional hoot of an owl or rustle of a tree from a rodent. I took a few deep breaths of the cool night air before reaching into the pocket of my leather jacket and pulling out the bottle of pills I had brought with me. It was my only possession at the minute. I had left my phone at home and my wallet back in the bar, therefore if anyone found my body, no one would know who I am unless they did DNA testing.

But anyway. It was hard to see but I somehow managed to open the bottle and pour at least a dozen pills into my shaking hand. I clenched them in my fist, letting the open bottle fall onto the floor, the rest of the pills following and becoming lost in the mess of twigs and mud. I looked up toward the sky for one last time. There seemed to be just the perfect opening in the mass of leaves above for me to see the brightest and most beautiful stars.

The night had always felt more my area. I always felt more comfortable, more natural during the night, under the moon and the stars, surrounded by dark and maybe fog if I was lucky. Not tonight though. It was a clear night with not a cloud in the sky, but that was ok.

Then that was it. I closed my eyes still facing toward the sky - I wanted he stars to me my last sight, not my trembling hand and bitten down fingernails. So with my eyes still squeezed shut, I brought my head down and my hand up to my mouth, throwing the pills down my throat and swallowing immediately.

I started to feel dizzy and all of a sudden, the ground looked more the comfortable. I had completely disregarded the stars being my last view as I made my way to lying on my side on the floor. Usually, I would've expected it to be utterly horrible, sprawled on the forest floor - but it more felt like I was floating and it was my smile.

My eyelids got heavy and I couldn't keep them open anymore. My breathing became heavier and slower, calming me. The cool night air; like a blanket over me.

See now, that smile I mentioned would've remained on my face as I slipped out of consciousness and into a deep sleep but of course, it could never run smoothly. I heard laughing - men laughing - and footsteps getting closer.

I started to panic as the laughs got louder and I immediately wanted to run. But it was too late and I was too far gone. I felt my heart rate quicken immensely, thudding against my chest and every nerve in every muscle in my body telling me to sprint. But I couldn't. I couldn't even open my mouth to scream. I could now hear the footsteps right next to me and the laughing stopped.

"What the f...?" I heard one guy start to say.

"Someone call an ambulance!" I heard another say, then the crunch of leaves right next to my face before cool, calloused fingers gently pressing my neck.

"She's got a pulse, she's still alive!" This voice was the loudest as he was the closest and for some strange reason, his voice as vaguely recognisable.

"Shh dude I'm on the phone!" Another called who again for some reason, his voice was somehow familiar, even more so than the other. Everyone went quitter but I could still hear twigs snapping and leaves crunching under their feet.

My heart still pounding and my breathing had quickened but even more so when one of them spoke up again. "D'you think we should get her into the open? Ambulance would be able to get to her faster."

There was a quiet chorus of 'yeah' and 'hm's. Before more footsteps coming toward me. I felt one arm under my waist and another from the same person under my legs before I was lifted off the ground sort of bridal-style. That floating feeling had disappeared but not completely. Oddly, with my head now resting on this man's chest, I felt calm. He smelt of whiskey and lingering cigarette smoke - but it was mild and recognisable to me.

Despite my sudden relaxation, I was still utterly terrified. I kept trying to open my eyes but it was almost like they were glued shut. I had no control over my body like I was in sleep paralysis. Now though, I was aware I was moving, the occasional branch hitting my leg but whomever was carrying me was careful to not let and branches hit my face or head.

Soon enough, the sound of the forest floor was gone as I expected he'd reached the grass outside the forest and my expectancies were confirmed as I was ever so gently lay down on my back.

"Ambulance is on its way," Said the guy who had been on the phone with the recognisable voice. Now I was on the ground again but on grass, I couldn't hear where any of them were. Additionally, I felt my hearing start to fade. I felt sick and it was then I knew I was about it fall asleep completely.

I knew they were talking but it was just mumbles, until one of them shouted loudly, hushing them all.

"Wait! Guys! It's..." Before the guy could finish the one who had carried me with the less familiar voice interrupted.

"Anasta-"

My heart sped up but before the guy could even finish my name, I slipped out of consciousness. The very last thing I remember was those cool hands gently smoothing a bit of hair of my face and the screeching sound of sirens.