It’s the beginning of your summer vacation, but more than that, you are going to Disneyland with your boyfriend, Dana, today. You’re so excited, but at the same time, you feel so numb. This can’t be real. No, you tell yourself, don’t start that again. Today is going to be a great, you’re spending the entire day with Dana, everything’s going to be alright. It’ll be alright, don’t worry. Don’t do this to yourself, not this time. You take a deep breath, trying to gather yourself and hold everything together with only the air that fills your lungs. The doorbell rings. You can do this.
You pull all your broken pieces back together and walk to the front door, opening it to see Dana, standing there with a huge grin plastered across his face. “Hey, Tiarra!” He opens his arms to give you a hug. You’re tense at first, but melt into him before he notices anything is wrong. “Are you ready?” You can tell that he is bursting with excitement.
“Yes,” you reply, unable to keep from smiling, seeing him like this.
“Let’s go,” he takes you by the hand and leads the way.
The two of you arrive at Disneyland just before it opens and join in with the crowd. There are so many people and everyone is pushing and pulling, trying to get closer to the entrance. Some guy behind you shoves into you, knocking you off to the side, and away from Dana. You can just make out his face as he pushes through the crowd, over to where you are. He reaches out and takes your hand in his, intertwining your fingers with his and holding tight.
You spend the day going on all the rides, watching parades, going to shows, and taking pictures with various face characters and fur characters. He holds your hand tight the whole time through, and all those thoughts from before are miles away. Out of sight and out of mind, I guess ignorance really is bliss. You smile to yourself, happy to be with Dana, because his mere presence is all you need to be happy. And his love is all you need to transcend your pain.
After dusk, you sit with Dana, his arm draped gently around you, your head resting serenely on his shoulder. Together, you’re invincible, it’s as if nothing could ever come between—your thoughts are cut off when you remember this morning. You feel the joy of today slowly draining from your body, leaving you feeling lethargic and empty. Dana’s hand tenses and he turns to you with a furrowed brow, “Tiarra, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” you reply. It’s not really a lie, nor is it strictly the truth. No, it’s just nothing.
He tightens his arm around you and turns his body to face yours. “You know, you can tell me, it’s alright.”
You take a breath, you don’t know where to start. “Sometimes I feel…I mean, it’s as if…sometimes it’s just really difficult to put into words the way I…the way I feel.”
He smiles at you, a confliction of both joy and pain in a simple turn of the lips. “That’swhat’s been bothering you all day?”
You blush and nod. Yes, for some reason, talking about your feelings has always been difficult for you. Even thinking about your feelings for Dana makes your chest feel tight, but thinking about how he feels about you, makes your chest even tighter.
He chuckles lightly, “Don’t worry so much,” he squeezes your arm in reassurance, and continues in a soft whisper, “I love you.”
Your heart pounds and your face flushes, but you can just barely manage, “I love you, too.”
Dana beams, leaning in slowly and you follow in suit. Your lips collide and you can see the fireworks, not in the sky, but in your heart. And in the midst of it all, it’s as if Walt Disney himself is smiling upon you.
