Blue skies turn to grey and it’s raining again. Will isn’t here, we haven’t spoken. It’s been so long and it feels like I’m missing a limb. It’s one of those things I can’t describe to you if you don’t already understand. Because words cannot do it justice, it simply is.
I pick up the book sitting next to me, I still haven’t finished reading it. “I keep wishing, reflexively, for a glimpse of the future, so I’ll know what to do. But I don’t kid myself. I have to feel my way forward blindly. I try not to be afraid. Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.”
“Me too, Beatrice, me too,” and I can feel the tears streaming down my face, dripping off my chin and dropping on the pages of the book. I can’t even begin to understand why this happened the way it did. He’s gone, he’s really gone. No one’s heard from him in days, and all the pictures of him are gone, he cut his face out of all of them. Maybe so when the police ask what he looks like, there would be nothing to show them. It hurts so much and I can’t stop crying. I hate how easy it is to get attached to people.
I sigh and look out my window, my vision is blurry through my tears, and I don’t even bother to grab a tissue. He’s just a ghost now. Just like Jonah. But I really can’t believe Will would pull something like this when he knows how much we all care for him. He just ran away. And he left only one photo of himself behind, and I have it. It’s the photo of the two of us at Disneyland. And there’s a note on the back: I’m gonna trust you with this. You can’t let anyone else see. Remember, I chose to leave, so I need you to honor that choice.
And I will. Because I love him, I’ll respect his decision to leave and live somewhere else in peace, away from all of us. But I can’t help but feel that this may have been one huge mistake. I knew I should have never let him get close.
I look outside and notice a figure approaching my front door. I don’t have the energy to move. Until the doorbell rings. I drag myself off my bed, wiping my tears as I walk to the door. I swing it open and look up into the familiar face. “WILL!” I jump into his arms which he wraps tightly around me.
“I changed my mind,” he says into my ear, squeezing me, “I couldn’t stop thinking that this was all a mistake, I couldn’t just leave behind all these people who love me.”
And in the moment, it didn’t even matter that the rain was drenching us both, or that my tears were falling more than ever before.
