The HomeStuck Burn Book

Dave Strider

Now let me tell you about Mr.Strider.

First things first: the boys eyes are best covered because they are an aphrodisiac in their own right.
You've all heard of medusa but get ready for one look into those eyes making you rock hard.
They are the most unholy and paradoxically blessed colour you could possibly imagine and you would be dripping just to get close to them.

You'd think a cool guy like himself would be cool guy inside and out but deep down he goes by one motto and one motto alone:

'Striders are Riders'

This motherfucker is the biggest bottom you could ever meet. You've all heard him at it behind the bleachers assuming he's doing it with a lady but 80% of the time those are his soft little mewls and pants.
But let's not forget how he can barely get going without one of his (own) tracks playing, it's really kinda sad

One time he masturbated with a blue sock that looked a hell of a lot like his good buddy John's wind hood.

Not to mention his middle name is Elizabeth.