How long can we keep this up? Merthur

Chapter Four

*Merlin's POV*

It's been three weeks since my recovery. Three weeks since Arthur last made me feel important and happy.
I walk in his chambers, holding his tray of breakfast. I stop when I see him laying with Gwen and sigh, carefully and quietly placing the tray on the table and leaving.
I don't think I can take it anymore. Seeing him with Gwen every day is killing me. I can't quit, I have a 'destiny' with him, according to the dragon.
Then again, who says I can't have a destiny without being a servant?
I bump into my friend, Jason, who's moved in to Camelot after my recovery. "Sorry," I smile, picking up the clothes I made him drop.
"That's alright, Merlin." he thanks me as I hand him the clothes.
"Where are you headed?" I ask, deciding to make some small talk for the time being.
"Bringing these to some villagers who've been robbed," he explains, running his hands through his thick brown hair.
"Robbed?" Jason nods. "By who?"
"We're not sure yet; I've gotta go, sorry!" he smiles at me before rushing off.
I watch as he leaves, wondering who could have stolen those villagers' belongings. It can't have been Morgana, it would have been something much more evil and dark than that.
I realize I'm finally back at my own chambers and walk in, seeing Gaius mixing potions at a table.
"Gaius, can I ask you something?"
"Of course," he replies, not looking up.
"Is it possible for me to still have a destiny with Arthur if I wasn't his servant anymore?"
Gaius looks at me, confused. "What are you saying, Merlin?"
"I want to quit," I explain, popping a berry into my mouth.
"Wha- Why? You love that job!"
"I did," I sigh. "You know how hard it is for me."
"Merlin, you can't quit because of Gwen."
"I'm not!" I exclaim, reaching for another handful of berries. "I'm quitting because I can't stand knowing Arthur will never feel the same way."
"You don't know that-"
"He has a queen, Gaius! A wife! Someone he loves!" I shake my head. "A bit obvious, isn't it?"
Gaius sighs. "Merlin, quitting your job isn't going to solve anything. It will just make things worse between you two,"
"I'd rather it be awkward between us than have to suffer every day," I say, heading towards the door. "I'm sorry, Gaius."

*Arthur's POV*

I wake up to find Guinevere's head resting on my chest. I look around groggily and faintly see a tray of food on the table.
Gwen slowly wakes up, looking at me sleepily. "What do we have planned today?" she murmurs.
I shrug, distracted. "Probably a meeting of some sort. I'll ask Merlin when he comes in." I smile at her, planting a kiss on her forehead before getting up.
Soon after I sit down to finally eat breakfast, there's a knock at the door. I groan and glance at Gwen, who's drifted off again.
I'm surprised (and delighted) to see Merlin at the door, who looks nervous and won't look me in the eye.
"Merlin, is everything alright?" I ask softly, not wanting to wake Guinevere.
He just shrugs and I offer to go inside but he doesn't budge. "Can we talk outside?" he asks.
I close the door behind me, confused. "What's going on?"
"Arthur..." he begins, looking off to the side. "I've decided..." he stops again, as if he's rethinking something.
"You've decided what?"
Merlin sighs and looks at me for the first time today. "Arthur, I've decided I'm going to resign as your servant."
I stare at him for a moment, brows furrowed. Did I hear him correctly? This must be a dream. Merlin can't resign.
I shake my head. "No...No, I won't allow it," I say, voice shaky.
"Sire, I'm sorry. I must," he says quietly.
"Why? Have I done something?" I ask.
"No... At least, not intentionally. It's not your fault, I don't want you thinking you did something wrong..." he trails off.
I don't say anything for a moment, thinking. "My friend, Jason, is looking for a job," Merlin suggests. "You could hire him."
"Why so sudden?" I ask, getting angry.
"I just... realized something that I couldn't handle anymore," he replies quickly, shrugging.
"Fine. Go," I dismiss him, looking away.
Merlin looks at me for a minute. "I said go," I say more forcefully, and he bows before walking away.
I swallow hard. What could I have done that made him quit? I haven't said anything that awful to him in a while.
Unless I did something I don't remember. Or I didn't notice.
Why am I so distraught? I've complained about Merlin so many times before, and now that he's quit I'm acting as if my world is crashing down right in front of me.
Maybe.... no. Guinevere is my love. Besides, a man loving another man is forbidden in Camelot, or anywhere for that matter.
Why am I even thinking this?
There's so much proof though. So much that says so clearly that I have feelings for him.
How have I not realized this before?
"Merlin," I call after him. "Wait up!"