How long can we keep this up? Merthur

Chapter Five

*Merlin's POV*

I walk away from Arthur, tears welling up in my eyes. Did I really just quit? I won't see Arthur daily anymore. Even when I do see him, it will be as if we were never even acquaintances.
"Merlin," he calls after me. "Wait up!"
I sigh, quickly wiping away my tears, which were threatening to overflow. "Save the insults," I mutter.
"Wh- no," Arthur shakes his head. "You said you realized something you couldn't handle anymore..." I nod slowly. "What was it?'
"Arthur, it wasn't you," I say. "I told you, it's not your fault-"
"I don't care if it was my fault or not, I just-" he pauses. "I need to know what you couldn't handle."
I shrug, trying to inch away. "Doesn't matter."
"I am the king of Camelot. You will answer me,"
"Who are you, Uther?" I look at him, slightly disgusted.
Arthur stares at me for a moment. I look away, uncomfortable. "Right. Sorry. Go ahead," he says quietly.
I nod slightly and turn to walk away, leaving him behind.
This is good. I'm letting him go. I'm getting over him, finally.
Who am I kidding? I'll never stop loving Arthur. Not in a thousand years.

*Arthur's POV*

I sigh as I watch Merlin walk away. Do I even have feelings for him? No, I can't. I'm married, for gods sake! I love Guinevere. I do not love a man, and certainly not Merlin.
I walk back into my chambers, sitting down clumsily at the table. "Arthur? Is everything alright?" I hear Guinevere's soft voice from the other side of the room.
"Merlin's just resigned," I answer quietly, voice breaking slightly.
"What?" she asks in disbelief. "Why?"
"I'm not sure, he wouldn't tell me," I look over at her. "Did I do something?"
"No, I'm sure it was for something more personal," she soothes, walking over to me and kissing me on the cheek.
"What do you mean?" I ask vaguely, staring at my food.
"Don't worry, Arthur. I'm sure he'll come around soon enough," Gwen says confidently.
I sigh and shrug, getting up from my chair slowly. "I'll go ask Gaius if there's anything odd happening with Merlin lately."
Gwen nods. "Come back soon,"
I walk out once more, feeling queasy. I head through the castle, a slight dizziness causing me to trip over my own feet once or twice.
As soon as I reach Gaius', I feel regret. Maybe I should have waited until tomorrow. What if Merlin's still in there? He would overhear our conversation, and-
"Sire?" I jump to see Gaius standing in his doorway.
"Is he here?" I ask nervously.
"No, he went to the tavern. Looked a bit upset... Do you know anything that would make him like that?" he asks, gesturing for me to walk in.
"No. He just resigned, if he hasn't told you yet," I say, sitting down at a table.
"Yes, I heard." my old friend sits down across from me, concerned.
"Did I do something?" I ask. "Something to make him want to resign?"
Gaius looks as if he wants to say something, but stops himself. "No... I do not know the cause for his resignation, sire."
"Gaius, please tell me the truth," I say. "I'm trying to figure something out, this might help me a lot."
"Figure what out?"
"It's complicated," I shake my head. "Tell me what's going on with Merlin."
The physician sighs and looks around as if someone might be listening. He leans a bit closer. "I'm going to regret this..." he pauses.
"Go on," I say, trying not to sound too eager.
"Merlin... he is contemplating his feelings," Gaius stops.
"Feelings? About what?" he doesn't say anything. "About me being king?"
"No, sire. He has full confidence in you as a king,"
"Then what is he contemplating, Gaius?" I ask, getting frustrated.
"You mustn't tell Merlin I told you," he replies, his voice more hushed than before.
I nod. "I swear,"
My friend sighs and hesitates. "Merlin is trying to figure out his feelings... for you."