Rebel Yell

Nightmare vs Reality

I was lying in a huge white bed with all white linen. The pillows, stuffed with duck feathers, enveloped my head comfortably and the covers surrounded my body, forming a warm cocoon in which I slept.

            I sat up, fluffing my hair and rubbing my itching eye. I looked around in the room, taking in my surroundings thoughtfully. I was in a square room, white from top to bottom and the bed in the very center. The floor was white marble that was polished brilliantly to the point where it was now reflecting the bed in a blurry and stripped manner. The walls, as well, were painted in white and coated with a glossy shine, almost the equivalent of the floor beneath it. The roof was different though; it was a square mirror that reflected the room beneath it, but the room wasn’t as white in the reflection as in my eyes. The walls, floor and bed in the reflection was coved in puddles and splatters of blood – as if a massacre had happened not very long ago. The blood in the puddle still had is scarlet color and its glossy shine where the light shone down on it.

I looked to where I was supposed to be, in the bed, and a cold shiver went through my spine as I saw my mangled body spread out across the bed, blood seeping slowly from my beaten skull.

I gasped slightly and heard my own voice echo loudly in the empty room. I tore my eyes away from the horrifying scene in the mirror and looked around the room again for a door. I threw the covers off me and swung my legs onto the floor. It was cold and hard on my warm feet as gravity took its toll.  My legs were heavy and sore with sleep and my head throbbed.

            I walked to the wall right across from me and started feeling it all over with my hands for a secret door or a hollow piece. Nothing. I moved to the next 3 walls but they all had the same ending to their tale: Nothing.

I turned with my back against the wall and sunk to the ground. What was this place??

As I sat there on the floor I started hearing voiced in my head telling me that I was dead and this was the reality of heaven as I knew it. The mirror reflected the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes and that that was the way I had died and left that wretched earth where I was born. They told me the Andy was the one who had murdered me and that the room in the reflection was my room in a psychiatric hospital. I asked them how I got into a loony bin but they went silent, and I was left alone in this white room, and the reflection of my horrible life.

  Slowly I started crying, softly first, but as I realized that I would be alone in this room for the rest of eternity my cries got louder and louder, never to be heard by anyone ever.

***

Gasping I sat upright in my bed, sweat running down my back and my wet hear clung to my face. I looked around and saw I was still in the hospital, the heart monitor slowing it’s beeping down as my heart rate decreased to normal speed.

My brain told me that I was holding something and as I looked down to my right hand I saw that it was Andy’s hand I was holding as he had fallen asleep with his head on his arms and resting on my bed.

            He always looked so sweet when he was sleeping, like he wouldn’t even harm a fly if it passed by his perfectly flawless face. The sad truth was that I knew that it was all in the past now and that the trip to California broke him like a handler breaks their horses. Somehow he blames me and thinks that I betrayed him in a way that could never be forgiven. But that I had no record of in my memory yet I was determined to find why he thinks that of me.

I’ve over heard him and Ashley talked a little while ago, saying something about a girl named Addison and that I was exactly like her. However that may be, I wasn’t quite sure, but something told me that I needed to either track her down or at least find out who she is/was.

I heard Andy groan and I looked down at his face, seeing he was waking up and I quickly yet carefully went to lay back down, pretending I was still sleeping.

As I closed my eyes, I heard him mumbling my name and then I felt the weight that his body caused on the bed, disappear and his grip on my hand tightened.

 “Shad?” he whispered, asking if I was awake but not wanting to be yelled at or threatened, I continued to pretend like I was ‘peacefully’ asleep. I heard him sigh and prop his head up on his elbow that was now using my bed as support, again. He didn’t say a word but I felt his thumb caress my hand which he was holding.

This confused me. He was the reason I was in here, yet here he was, acting like I was the love of his life who he’s even take a bullet for. So, wanting to confront him about this, I slowly opened my eyes, like someone who just woke up would do.

Andy:”Hey” he said sweetly, giving me a ‘worried’ yet ‘caring’ smile

Me:”Hey” I replied dryly

Andy:”How are you feeling??”

Me:”What do you care?” I gave him a questioning glare, lifting my one eyebrow

Andy:”I care. Don’t be rude” he squeeze-hugged my hand and flashed me a ‘smile’

Me:”Oh I’m sorry, I just find it hard to be nice to people who tend to beat me and make me end up in the hospital” I felt his grip on my hand tighten even more, making me wince

Andy:”Keep up that attitude and I’ll have to punish you when you get back home” he glared at me as to warn me, a spark of anger taking flame behind his ice cold grey, blue eyes.

Me:”I don’t get it”

Andy:”What?” his voice reflecting his shock and confusion to my unexpected reply

Me:”Here you are, acting like I’m a sick puppy who you actually care for, holding my hand and shit. But as soon as I say something or do something that you don’t like, you retort to violence and threats.”

Clearly confused and pissed at my accusation, he tightened his jaw, flexing his jaw muscles. He looked down to his hand where he was holding mine and looked back into my eyes.

Without a word he let go of my hand and carefully set it down at my side, stood up and walked to the door, my eyes following his every move. At the door he stopped, looked back at me where I was lying on my bed, watching him, bit his lip and exited the room, softly closing the door with its silent ‘click’.