Diana

Chapter 30: Sorry

RECAP:

I fiddled through my purse that was left on the counter earlier to find a lighter.

"josh hurry up!"

He came out of his room with his backpack crying.

"Please Diana don't do this, it's the only thing we have left from mom, please!" he sobbed.

"do whatever Diana, just watch your brother get hurt from it. c'mon josh

your coming with me." harry said.

Chapter 30,

I looked at the match in my hand, I'm not gonna do it. I was just going crazy, this time it was worse than usual. I blew out the match. It smelt horribly through out the house, I had a overwhelming head ache. I walked out the front door to find harry sat in his car, with my little brother in the back.

I opened the the door to the passenger seat. "I didn't do it." I whispered.

"I knew you wouldn't." Harry slightly smiled putting his hand on my thigh.

He started to drive, and the car grew silent, besides my brothers coughing.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you guys for no reason, I'm just...scared."

"I'm sorry didi" josh mumbled from the back seat. A smile crept upon my lips, I Haven't heard that nickname in years.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I turned to him.

"For making you feel worthless."

The car was silent again. All my attention was only out of the car window and the full moon that night.

January 24th

A lot can happen in one month, a week, a day, even an hour. I've learnt that in pass years of a depressive life. My life changed millions if times, recently in just a 5 minute phone call. Well 5 minute and 18 second phone call to be exact. I wouldn't have ever thought my mom would die just because I let my dad run away like that. How could I have been so stupid? I could of just called the police but at least he's in custody now.

I can't believe I lashed out on harry. I know he's kinda shooken up from last night and my melt down I guess you could call it. Well Harry was nowhere to be found this morning. I didn't even know where I was until I looked out if the window to see a motel sign. There were two beds, my brother still sleeping in the one across from me. I guess I had fallen asleep in the car and well harry brought us here?

I wish he had left a note but I kinda got the feeling that he was mad because I yelled or something. I almost forgot I still had my phone in my pocket and sent him a quick text relying on only 10% of battery.

Harry ended up picking us up and once he dropped off my brother at school we decided to go grab a coffee to lighten up the mood.

"Cheers to no abusive dad, thank god he's in jail." Harry smiled.

"yeah." I awkwardly giggled clicking my mug with his.

"Are you still mad?"

"Mad? When was I ever mad?" He asked confused.

"For me being a bitch. And yelling." I looked down.

"Diana, your mother died yesterday, and you think I'm gonna be mad at you? All I feel is remorse. The only person I'm mad at is that fucking asshole who messed up what seemed it could be a lovely incredible family."

All I did is stare at him for a second then at the waitress who kindly interrupted us with the drinks we ordered earlier. I thanked her quietly and took a sip of the hot coffee as Harry's phone began to ring, the usual.

Before he could even open his mouth, I bluntly asked "Management?" He paused and shut his a gape mouth and nodded.

"Harry just let me go, we can break up, I'll be fine, I don't wanna ruin your career. Because I know the boys think I am."

"No Di-"

"I mean who fucking cares about this relationship anyways? The boys clearly think in hurting you with my problems, your fans don't even like me, so what is the fucking point? Lets just end this."

"I do, I thought you did to." He said gulping.

"I do, but only when I'm with you. And not being interrupted by your fucking private phone calls every two hours harry! Your only doing this out of guilt not love."

"What do you mean?!"

"All I'm saying is you promised not to hurt me even when I said everybody hurts me. You clearly didn't listen, you went along on that guilt trip and tried to make me feel better. It didn't work because damn it harry by being hurt, i hurt you, which hurt me even more." I said raising my voice grabbing my coat.

"Why are you leaving babe?!" He said worriedly.

"Goodbye harry, I'm sorry but I love you. Do not follow me." I said walking out the door. I could already feel him following down the sidewalk so I turned around.

"I told you not to follow me!" I yelled over the city ambience and pouring rain.

"You can't stop me!"

"Stop being so fucking difficult go back to London, forget me! Forget us!"

I yelled since he was such a distance away from me.

"That's impossible Diana, I love you!"

"No you don't." I ran quicker and quicker by the minute until finally the lovesick boy lost me.

The plan was to leave, leave the world. Because I'm hurting everyone. I returned home late afternoon and planned to cut the deepest I've ever cut until I've bled whatever's left of me. Then all of this will all be over, finally.

And so I went with it, grabbed the sharpest razor blade and laid my arm there on the bathroom sink I was trembling so much, I've waited so long for this, I've dreamed and I've wished for this. Maybe I'll see my mom and Kylie. This is really gonna happen this time for real.

I took the razor and slashed it vertically down my arm, this time I was killing myself. I knew I hit a vein when blood rushed out of me quickly, after minutes I felt dizzy an sat next against the bathtub slicing my arm several more time making sure this would be the end of me.