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As soon as we got back to camp, I walked off too angry to speak with Harry. I went straight to my room, shut the door, and locked it. An hour later, Ben came knocking on my door and I ignored him for the first time in my life. An hour after Ben, Ciara was next trying to get me to go to dinner, but I sat at the nook and watched everyone outside below my window on the street.
How stupid were we to think the human race was going to survive the apocalypse? Why was this happening? Why did all the good people have to die and why couldn't I have died with them?
It was dark out. I wasn't sure what time it was but looking at my watch I realized that I'd been sitting at the nook for over seven hours. I heard the door handle twist and wondered who had decided to come see me next.
"Jane," the British man said. "I'll remove the door if you don't let me in."
I rolled my eyes and stood from the cushioned bench to open the door across the room. Without looking in his eyes, I turned and headed back to the nook.
"What's wrong?" he sounded concerned.
"Everything," I said with monotone.
"That's not very subjective," he sat on the opposite end of the nook and leaned his elbows onto his knees with his head in his hands running through his messy and unruly curls.
"Do you think now because we kissed that all of the sudden you mean something to me? Because you don't. I don't care about you. I don't care about anyone but myself."
"Where is this coming from?" His shoulders raised to his ears and his eyes slanted unsure of what I was really going on about. He sat straight and was completely amazed with how much I was going off on him.
"Just leave me alone for god's sake!" I threw my head back like a child and he deeply chuckled at my action. Apparently to him, I must have looked ridiculous.
"You can say you don't like me or care for me, but you can't say that you don't care about anyone. You care about Ben. You care about Will. You care about Ciara." He clapped back more than I thought he would have.
"Why do you care about me? You don't even know me, Harry," I scoffed pulling my knees into my chest and stared out the window.
"I don't have to know every little thing about you, Jane. All I need to know is what I've seen and what I've seen has told me that you're one of the last genuine and real people left here. If you don't care for me, I can live with that. But I will protect and keep you safe to the best of my ability until I no longer am physically able to."
"Why though?" I stared at him now instead of the few kids running on the street to get back to their house.
He chuckled. "I don't know, Jane."
"Is it because I'm in your camp now. I don't want you to think I'm going to be here forever." My words struck something deep inside him and now he was upset. He was annoyed before but now I had caused him some sort of anguish and pain. I could see it all over his stern face.
"Why are you so goddamn afraid to open up to me? Is it because you think I'll die?" His eyes widened and his arms shot out as he spoke.
"Good people don't last, Harry," my face crumpled knowing that I, too, was too good to be on this Earth now.
"Who says I'm good?" His eyes held some sort of disheartening gleam to them, as if he was reliving all of the terrible things he'd ever done in his life all over again at this moment.
"I do," I said to him.
"You think too highly of me then."
There was a long pause in our conversation as we both began to rethink our motives and turns of conversation.
"When did you change your mind about me?" I asked. I'd been wondering about this question for a while and was nervous to hear his answer.
"Hm?" He was surprised or confused by my question. I wasn't sure which though.
"You've always been skeptical of me. When did you decide that you didn't have to worry about me hurting people here?" I turned to put my feet on the floor so I was mimicking his stature.
"I don't know. After I yelled at you that one time when you left camp and didn't show up until late," I noticed the shrug of his shoulders and felt my throat close tight.
We paused.
"Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll hurt people," I confessed to him feeling stupid after saying it out loud.
"We're all afraid of hurting someone."
"I'm afraid I'm hurting you," my throat swelled and I tried to swallow against the lump in it.
"Why's that?" he leaned closer to me and I turned my chin to him and stared down at his hand gripping the edge of the bench between us.
"You worry about me when you should be worrying about camp and everyone else."
"Jane," Harry sighed and looked visibly uncomfortable.
"I worry about a lot of things too. I worry about if William will come home. I worry about if Ben will turn into a Mad Man one day. I worry about if Mad Men will get me one day. I worry about if -..."
Harry reached across the nook and took my face in between his palms. His eyes shot back and forth looking into mine.
"This is what I want. I want you to talk to me like this all the time. I want to have these types of conversations with you. I want you to tell me things."
Without thinking, I lunged across the nook and pressed my lips onto his. My knees went on either side of his hips and I sat my ass in his lap. His arms wrapped around my torso pulling me into his while my arms wrapped around his neck and my fingers spread into his thick wavy hair.
Before I could get him worked up enough to take me to the bed, he stopped me and slowed us down.
My chest pressed into his with heavy breaths and I pooched my lips out to his to try and keep him into me. But he was not having it.
"I don't want to just fuck around with you," he blushed and I felt my heart sink deep into my chest.
"That's what you wanted with Kelsey. Why not with me?" I frowned but still tried to keep it up.
I pressed my mouth to his jaw and kissed him all the way to his neck and back up to his mouth.
"Jane, seriously," he pushed my shoulders back with his strong hands so I would look into his serious eyes.
"I'm not the type of guy to sleep with people because I want to have sex. I want to have sex with you, yes. But I'm not going to do that and then have you ignore me the next day because you don't want to open up to me."
I rolled my eyes and crawled off his lap. He scoffed with my action and attitude change.
"Really, Jane?"
"Really," I sighed and looked out the window.
He breathed out and said, "You need to get the fuck over yourself."
"Fuck you," I scoffed feeling the emotions I had from the day come to haunt me.
"That's cute," he snapped at me sarcastically and stood from the nook to walk out of the room.
Then I was left there in his old room feeling terrible and empty. I wasn't sure what the full extent of my feelings were toward Harry yet, but I knew I cared enough to hang out with him. Even when there wasn't many options in this new world, I could see myself still liking him in the old world. And that was one of the scary parts for me, I always chose the worst men.
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Escape the Walking Dead // h.s.
Science Fiction"Have you ever had to kill people because they had already killed your friends and were coming for you next? Have you ever done things that made you feel afraid of yourself afterward? Have you ever been covered in so much blood that you didn't know...
