“Alex, Are you ok?” Maxi turned round from the desk.
The sound of his voice jolted me back to life.
“Err, yeah, yeah I’m fine. Sort of, well no I’m not. I’ll be ok” I replied arguing with myself. I was going through a whole host of emotions. I walked out of the station and across to the beach. I sat on the steps and stared at the ocean. I was loving my life in Australia. I was settled. I knew this could happen and it would have at the end of my contract but I’d put that to the back of my mind. This was too soon. I hadn’t even finished a year. The tears began to fall as I thought of all my friends and Itchy, oh how the hell was I going to break it to him?
I don’t really know how long I’d been sat there but the next thing I know Whippet sat down beside me.
“Are you ok?” he said “Maxi said you took a call and you’ve been sat here crying for the last 2 hours. He was gonna come over but got caught up with a first aid call. He’s asked me to check on you”
“Oh Ryan, No I’m really not. I just don’t know what to do. I have to go home” That was it. The tears flowed again. He pulled me in for a hug and held me close to his chest.
“Why? What’s happened? Is it your family?” he said. Then I realised I needed to explain a bit more.
“No, it’s the paper. They’ve gone bankrupt and I have a week to gather my stuff together and go home. Everything has been going so well lately” I blubbed into his shoulder.
“Is there nothing else you can do?” he asked. He already knew the answer. He’d seen it a thousand times. Brits heading to Bondi and then being packed off home at the end of their Visa’s.
“No, my visa terminates when my employment does. And that’s the end of the week” We both stared out at the ocean in silence.
“Ryan, please don’t say anything to Itchy. I need to tell him myself but I just can’t right now” I asked
“But you’ve gotta tell him. He’ll want to know”
“I know, I just need to think it through first. There’s nothing he can do to fix it so this will be the end of our relationship. I just don’t know how to handle telling him that right now”. I pleaded
“Okay, I’ll keep quiet and I’ll tell the boys not to say anything either” he nodded towards the lifeguard station. Maxi & Jesse would obviously have questions about why I was upset. That evening, Itchy phoned and said he was working late editing some footage so I wouldn’t be able to see him. I was hurt but I still couldn’t tell him. I needed to tell him face-to-face.
The following couple of days passed in a blur, Itchy was working at the beach during the day and editing at night. It was now only 2 days until I had to leave, my flight home was booked for Sunday evening. Whippet kept messaging and calling asking if I’d told Itchy. The more times that he cancelled the more disappointed and hurt I was. By Thursday evening when I received a text from Itchy saying he was coming to see me but had some errands to run first so would be late. I was furious. How was I supposed to tell him when it seemed like he was avoiding me? I couldn’t hold back any longer. I simply replied with “Don’t Bother”. I turned off my phone, unplugged the landline and climbed into bed. I pulled a pillow close and held it close to my face. It was Itchy’s pillow. I could still smell him on it. I cried myself to sleep. I woke on Friday morning still curled in a tight ball, hugging the pillow. I turned on my phone and almost immediately it started pinging with texts from Itchy asking what was wrong. It wasn’t his fault and I was wrong to take it out on him. I knew that but how could I tell him over the phone that I had to leave him and it was almost impossible to get him alone. He had his work to do and I couldn’t distract him from that.
I also had a message from Whippet.
Alex, What’s going on? I’ve had Itchy round at mine really upset. He still doesn’t know that you’re leaving. I can’t tell him and he can’t understand what he’s done wrong. He says you won’t answer the phone. Please at least let me know you’re ok.
I felt terrible. It wasn’t Itchy’s fault at all. I was just angry at the world. I typed out a message to Whippet promising that I’d contact Itchy and tell him everything. Then I typed out a message to Itchy.
Hey, I’m sorry I went off on you last night. I just really need to see you. It’s important. Can you come to the apartment tonight at 8?
I could’ve called him but I knew there would be questions and I was barely holding it together as it was. Just as I was pondering the words I was going to use to break it to him, my phone buzzed with a reply. Just a simple “Sure, Are you ok? I was worried”
That was all it took for the tears to flow again. I tried to pull myself together by focusing on packing but it still hurt. I wandered around the apartment and started piling my Australian life up on the kitchen counter to pack away into boxes. Every ornament & photo triggered a memory.
