*Tom’s POV*
“NO!” I scream, falling to the floor besides her. I feel myself shaking, blood covers my hands as I place my hand over the bullet wound which is just above her chest.
“we… we have to.. t-to stop the b-bleeding.” I say, through my teeth chattering. Why am I cold? It’s not
cold.
Her eyes are open wide with fear and for a moment, I fear she is gone until she blinks.
“she’s still- st-still alive.” I say, looking around the room in desperation. I see that a third officer has come into the room. Dad is being helped by one of them to carry Jack out of the room. His arm is hanging limply but I can see him breathing.
Sam, Mai, Lucy, Sara and Paddy are being ushered out of the house by another officer.
The other is stood behind me, his arms pinning Tony’s hands behind his back.
He isn’t helping. No one is.
Then I realise: this is hopeless. I’ve lost her.
I sense someone fall besides me and instantly know that it’s Harry, because I can hear him whispering to himself. In truth, he’s whispering to Katy, but I don’t think she can hear.
“you’re going to be fine. I… I can stop it. I need to stop it. I cant lose you.” He cries, his voice breaking. “katy I need you to be ok. Promise me you’ll be ok.” He says, taking her head in his hands. “Tom…” he cries, now sobbing, his body shaking. “she’s l-losing too much blood.”
I slowly lift my head to look up at Tony “are you happy now?” I shout, crying inbetween my words. “are you happy?”
The officer pulls him out of the room.
“I’m going to.. g-going to get something to st-stop the bleeding.” Harry says, not taking his eyes of her.
“she’s gone Harry.”
He shakes his head. “don’t say that. Don’t- Don’t you dare.” He cries, pulling a strand of hair away from her face.
“Harry theres nothing we can do.” I say, as a tear rolls down my cheek. “it’s useless. It’s her heart… so near her heart that we c- cant help.”
“ofcourse we can.” He says hopelessly. “ofcourse we can.” He stands up and runs to the kitchen, coming back with some kitchen roll.
“think of the pain.” I say, more tears falling down my face at what I’m saying. “think of the pain she is in. We have the choice to help, but keep the pain going or..or let her…” I cant finish the sentence.
He looks at me, disgust on his face. “No. I’m not going to let that happen. She means t-to much.”
I nod, “I know, Harry. She means everything, b-but I cant watch her suffer.”
“then help her. Help her, please.” He begs, looking back to her and pressing the paper towels to the wound. They turn deep red in an instant, making us both cry more.
Her eyes slowly open and me and Harry wipe our eyes.
When she speaks, her voice is barely a croak. “am I dead?” she asks.
“no Katy, no you aren’t.” I reply, smiling through my tears.
“But..” she swallows. “I’m dying?”
“no, Katy. I wont let that happen.” Says Harry, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.
“it hurts.” She says, staring upwards at the ceiling.
My vision goes blurry again until I blink, allowing more tears to roll down my cheeks.
“I know, but it will stop soon.” I say, my stomach dropping at the truth of why that might be.
I hear a siren wail outside.
“listen to me Katy. Y-you’ve lost a lot of blood. But whatever happens, you’ll be safe and I’ll protect you because I love you and I was too naïve to realise it. You’ll be fine, I know you will because I know that I’ve broken you’re heart so many times th..” I stop and make an attempt to steady my breathing. “.. so many times that you can get through this one.”
She stays staring at the ceiling, her eyes glazed over with tears. But none fall. She parts her lips to speak. “you don’t love me.” She says. “I know you don’t.”
I let out a pathetic wine, but don’t say any words.
“I’ve always been so terrified of dying, but I don’t know why. It’s n-“ she swallows and attempts to finish the sentence. “it’s n-“ A team of paramedics run in and pull me away. All I can do is watch as they strap her onto a stretcher.
I follow them out onto the ambulance, ignoring everyone who has gathered to watch. I climb in after them and sit opposite, strapped in to a padded seat.
Once they start driving, I unstrap myself and look down at her. “What were you trying to say earlier, Kate?”
“It’s n-.. It’s not…”
“dont worry, I’ll work it out. Just relax.” I say, trying to sound calm.
I never thought I would be in this position. Having her in so much pain and me being useless, helpless.She lets out a heavy breath, as if she is trying to cough, but then she speaks. “It’s not as if I have anything to live for.”
“what? Katy, what? No. don’t say that.”
“I don’t have to keep trying anymore.” Her voice is so weak that it scares me.
“trying? What do you mean, kate?”
“pretending that everything is ok.” She croaks.
“nothings ok. You don’t have to pretend.” I say, looking down at my blood stained hands.
“I just want it to end.” She says, a tear falling sideways down her face onto the stretcher.
I feel the ambulance come to a stop and kiss her on the forehead. There is nothing more I can do.
“Be strong.” I say, wiping away my tears as two paramedics open the ambulance doors and a team of them run out from the hospital.
They carry her away from me.
I step out of the ambulance into the carpark and a man, dressed in green overalls rushes over to me.
“Hello, I’m Andrew. I’m deeply sorry abou-“
I don’t let him finish. “it cant end like this.” I say , not thinking about what I’m saying. “It cant. I need to go with her. I have to.”
He shakes his head. “I understand that you are stressed and very upset, but I cant allow that.”
I feel myself push him out of the way. This isn’t me. This is something inside me that I’ve never felt before.
This is the refusal I have inside of me.
The refusal I have always had.
The refusal to let her go.
