Chapter 42

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(emotional chapter coming up)- leave a comment letting me know what you think and please vote for it! Follow me on instagram- @tomhollandisgod )

*Tom’s POV*

I hook  a strand of hair behind her ear, and flinch when I see the dark bruise that it had been convering. It must have been from when she fell.

I shut my eyes tight In a helpless effort to hold my tears back, but the lump in my throat seems to get bigger, suffocating- until I have to let out a sharp breath, which turns into a sob and the tears don’t stop falling.

“Mate… “ Harrys voice comes from behind me and I turn to see that he has pulled his chair next to mine. His hand falls on my shoulder.

“You need to try and say something because this might be… you know?”

I breathe in and nod, yes I do know. I know exactly what harry means. This may be the last time I ever speak to her.

I brush his hand off my shoulder and lean forwards, taking one of her hands in both of mine.

“You were… well, you are… one of the only people in this world that I don’t think I’ve ever lied to. I’m not sure if that is a good thing for you, because sometimes my opinions suck, I know.” I say, smiling slightly, but a tear falls down my cheek.

“But… knowing that I can tell you everything, that always felt so special to me. I always know that I can confide every little piece of my life to you, and share so many details of my thoughts with you. I am so sorry, Kate. I’m sorry because I took advantage of that, and when I hurt you so badly I knew that you wouldn’t tell me how you felt, because you are such a kind person, and I’m… I just feel awful.” I sniff, and wipe my face on my sleeve.

“It’s… I don’t know, there is something about you. Every time I get close to losing you, it feels like I’m losing myself and its unbearable, It hurts so much and I’ve been feeling that a lot recently - the whole time I’ve know that it’s my fault…” The lump starts to rise again, and my eyes cloud over. “It’s entirely my fault, everything… this whole mess, and I just know that  I could have done something to stop it, if I hadn’t have been so selfish, maybe you wouldn’t be here… maybe everything would be back to normal.”

I look up, and Sam, Paddy, Mum and dad are stood at the door.

Everyone in the room is crying, everyone aside from the pale girl with the bruised face and bullet in her chest.

I look back at her. I need to say more.

*Katy’s POV*

My heart aches, but not from the pain of my wound. 

“It’s okay,” he tells me. “If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.” His voice cracks with emotion. He stops, clears his throat, takes a breath, and continues. “But that’s what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It’s okay if you have to leave us. It’s okay if you want to stop fighting.”

My body fills with relief. If I can’t, if I don’t make it, he will manage. He will understand.

“I need you to try though, I do. I need you to try and stay.” His voice catches.

“There’s no word for what happened to you. There’s no good side of it. But there is something to live for. And I’m not talking about me. It’s just . . . I don’t know. Maybe I’m talking shit. I know I’m in shock. I know I haven’t digested what happened to  Jack,  to Harry. I don’t think I’ll ever cope with losing you.”

I hear him take gulpfuls of air to steady himself. And then he continues: “All I can think about is how messed up it would be for your life to end here, now. I mean, I know that your life is already messed up no matter what now, forever. And I’m not dumb enough to think that I can undo that, that anyone can. But I can’t wrap my mind around the notion of you not getting old, having kids, going to university, publishing that stupid book of yours, singing to a huge audience so that they can get the chills the way I do every time I hear your voice, every time I see you smile at me." 

 “I can’t promise that it will be easier… but please, if you make this… if you fight, I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll quit acting,  move back in, do everything to help, everything i can.

But if you need me to go away, I’ll do that, too. I was talking to Sara and she said maybe coming back to your old life would just be too painful, that maybe it’d be easier for you to erase us. And that would suck, but I’d do it. I can lose you like that if I don’t lose you today. I’ll let you go. If you make it, I’ll let you go.”

 And then he does, he lets go of my hand, His sobs burst into the air.

I would hug him, if I could.

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⏰ Last updated: Feb 22, 2015 ⏰

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