Take Me As I Am: Book Three

Never Ask Why

New York City, New York

Kay

Getting home at eleven o'clock at night from spending the entire day with Kris wasn't my intentions, especially knowing that someone else was watching my own child. This time, I decided to pay Kiki instead for watching him nearly the entire day.

I left home around three, dropped Kaiden off at Kiki and James' place, and headed out to New Jersey with Kris for a luncheon before his flight. Not to mention his flight cancelling due to a bomb threat, which was very odd. And now I'm finally back home with Kaiden, putting his sleepy body into the crook of my arm while taking a seat in the rocking chair of the living room.

With my hair wrapped around my head and covered with a scarf and bonnet, my fluffy house shoes on my feet, and the tv going softly in front of me with Martin playing on the screen, the peace within the house is too surreal.

Kaiden is now a jumpy seven month old baby who forgot that sleep was his favorite thing to do. I only dread him grabbing onto markers, pens, pencils, and any other thing that you can find to write on that he can use for his own pleasure and advantage. Such as writing on the walls and all over the furniture.

I don't believe in such corporal punishment with any form of using a belt or a small twig-like tree branch. I got those throughout my entire childhood, mostly because I was always in trouble at school and especially at home. Me and Kori getting into constant fights just only added on to more ass whoopings.

And let me not even mention the ones we received whenever we acted out together in public. I'll never forget how we knocked over an entire display of Barbie dolls in Walmart, ran for safety from my parents, but not long before we left the store, went home, and was beaten to a pulp.

It's not like I tried to knock over the shelf, Kori just pushed me into it and it fell over.

My phone vibrates next to me and I see a message from none other than the devil himself; my big brother Kori texting me.

Kori: hey baby sis! Sorry to text you this late at night. Didn't want to call you and lil man sleeping. How are ya?

If you had told me last year that me and Kori would get back on track the way we used to be growing up, I don't think I would have even believed you.

But, God has very mysterious ways of showing us a way back to the one whose been there from the start, knows you like no other, lifts you up whenever you're down, prays with and for you, and just loves you unconditionally.  That person whose done it for me, and has been there for me no matter how pissed off I ever made him, that person is Kori. 

My big brother, my rock, my shining knight in armor.  The one I love to call all times of the day while he's working, knowing that he's gonna pick up. 

We were not on good terms at all after my birthday party on last year, but seeing him come to my first showcasing last month in March completely blew me away.  I began to cry hysterically and I was shaking uncontrollably.  I couldn't hold my emotions in and keep my mind still.

My mom and dad had told him they were coming to New York to watch me perform and just be the best that I can be.  When he came up to me and I began crying, I threw myself into his embrace and began to cry into his shirt.

I had missed Kris so much, and for him to have gone away for so long without a single word said to anyone truly had me hurt to the core.  For the rest of my pregnancy I was hurt, exhausted, and just sick of the cruel world around me.  Around us.