Take Me As I Am: Book Three

Free

New York City, New York

Kay

I'm doing something...

Something I never thought I'd ever do...

What the hell is wrong with me?

He's been trying to treat like I'm some kind of... bedroom acrobat?

I finally figured it out. Finally figured out what exactly she was going about in that song.

I heard it years ago

But I'm doing something that I thought I would never partaken in.

Smoking is it?

What do they call it?

Getting high?

Getting stoned?

Whatever the hell it is, I love it and am not stopping until all of this damn pain goes away

What am I supposed to be doing right now you say?

Taking care of my son? I do that and have been doing that since before he was born.

Currently, he's taking a nap and I'm sitting on my cousin's balcony, smoking my problems away like everyone else who isn't tying to worry about life and their damn problems.

Isn't this supposed to be something like a diary? A journal? Well, I can't fucking decide because I've been too busy writing my music lately.

So the way I write my shit, that's the way I'm gonna do this journal, diary, notebook, whatever the fuck you wanna call it.

My life has fallen... fallen all the way over and down the damn drain. I can't believe how fucking dumb I've been to be going behind his back and being with someone else, but he's not even someone I wanted to be with anyway-- Ti'Ron that is.

I don't know why his father even wanted to push the thought of marriage into the arms of us, me knowing damn well it wouldn't even work out within the first few weeks and I'd be divorcing his ass. There's no doubt in my mind that Ti'Ron would have probably made it his number one mission, his main priority to treat me to the finest of everything on this planet.

But, I never saw a future with Ti'Ron and still don't, even after having a kid with him. And that is something I'll never regret, only because my son is the most precious and beautiful thing I've ever had in my possession before.

Everything else from the clothes, to the cars, the accessories, the house, the money-- it doesn't mean shit if I don't have my son right by my side. Every person's purpose in life right now is to follow their dreams and never settle for anything less than what they truly are to themselves, but as for me I have decided to put my dreams on hold until I am able enough to travel around and live.

And I'm not living if my son isn't either. I want to wait until he's older to understand his surroundings and get the crazy feeling of what it's like to be alive and live happy, even if it means to be by yourself for either a long, or short period of time.

And that's exactly what I'm about to do... starting with getting rid of the substance that was withholding me from my dreams because he wanted something I didn't even think about with him.  A future with Ti'Ron?  If that includes coparenting with him on Kaiden, then I'm all the hoots for it.  But, other than that me and Ti'Ron are completely through.  I don't even think we were in a relationship... that's what his dad, Tyrone, wanted.  I never planned on being his wife and being by his side for eternity.