A life lived as an illusion... This is the dilemma of Alison who woke up from a coma (in chapter Waking Up to Reality Pt1) to the fact that everything she had experienced and lived through was made up. Now she has to accept this fact as she moves on...
In this storm, in this wind that howls, you are the gentle centre. And so I come to rest at your side. I see the watchers that disapprove and the judgement they feel so entitled to. I wonder what they would have me do? Lift the world in one arm? Push back the tide with only my mind? Because what they expect is equally impossible. Every person needs a harbour, a secure attachment of love - for without one we are in such pain, so lost, shutting down. Then life becomes a torture we are expected to endure, surviving, not living. Were it not for you, my good friend, there would be no relief, no emotional morphine. You are my hero and my heroin. Of course I am addicted to you - but for every reason that is pure and right. You are safety and love, an anchor I hold onto, that I tether myself to because I want to. So for those watchers who have plenty, who have never felt the brutal sting of abuse, the kind that shatters all emotional bonds, take your opinions and bury them in tar. For "freedom" to make all new friends and family is just another abuse, it is akin to the freedom to wonder a desert with no water. It is a sentence of pain - loneliness is pain. "Tough love" is abuse.
My friend, you never did that, always giving warmth, consistent love and patience. That is why I love you so, why my nature trusted you before my mind could too. In time I will heal because affection is real help. You are irreverent, funny, real as hell and perfect with your idiosyncrasies. I am bound and free, flying and grounded, laughing and sober. Perhaps it is you that performs the miracles.
I close my journal as the car stopped at the mall.
The shopping mall has architecture the schools and hospitals can only dream of. The ceiling is domed higher than any cathedral and made of the most beautiful glass. The walkways flow like tributaries to the main rivers of people, not a sharp angle to be seen. It smells like heaven in a hand-basket and the floor shines like the surface of a lake at sunrise. In the background is music to soothe, gentle flowing notes to take the shopper's cares far away. In a world so chaotic it is order. In a world of pollution and desecration it is clean perfection in bubble-wrap. Hanna was going crazy she almost bought the whole store.Spencer was being picky.Aria was wondering around with Ezra and Jason and I was now trying on dress for Nate and his friends.
''What about this one?''
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''Nope that'll look good on Spencer tho''said Caleb and Toby nodded.I look at Nate to see if he likes it and he shakes his head.I go change and try on another dress which was very beautiful but I didn't like it.I go outside and they all judged the look as they decided if it was good.
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''It doesn't suit you, Let me get a dress for you''Nate said and I smile as he looks through the racks.
''This will look good on Aria''I said as I walk back to change.I take of the dress leaving me in my underwear.
''Ali I got this for you''Nate said as he stretched it over the bar keeping me secure.I try on the dress and it was perfect.I walk outside to show everybody and they looked at me mesmerized.
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The other girls come and I look at them in a hurry''
''We gotta plane too catch now check out these dresses and see if you like them and let's go''I said giving orders as we scurried around the store.
''Alison , Did you pick this for me''Aria said as she smiled at me.
''Yes it's beautiful''We wrap up and pay for the clothes and rush to our car to catch our flight.
