Maria Hill and Melinda May One Shots

Psst, Coulson's Captured, Don't Tell May

Phil stared at the cracked wall across from him blankly, sitting with his back against the wall on the dirt floor, waiting for something interesting to happen. He'd been taken in a week prior and had seen exactly one person the entire time. He didn't even think it was the leader of this mafia organisation.

Quite frankly, it was a little bit insulting.

The footsteps pounding on the floor above gave him a little bit hope. He stood up stiffly, stretching his unused muscles. He was getting a little old to be sitting on floors now. The footsteps grew closer to his locked door and he smiled. Maybe Melinda really was getting slower in her old age. Then he thought about what would happen to him if she ever heard that and he wiped the smile from his face.

The door burst open and she stormed in, gun up. She made sure no one else was in the room before locking the door. She walked up to the bars separating the room in half and produced a key from her pocket, waving it around like she'd just done a magic trick.

"Not great timing, Mel. I was just about to have a nap," he smiled as she unlocked his cell.

She rolled her eyes and held the cell door open for him, slipping the key back into her pocket. "Get moving, lazy bones. We've got idiots to take care of."

He supposed that was her way of saying they were pretty much trapped in his cell.

"Good to know," he muttered, shaking out his hands. His back popped and he winced, ignoring Melinda's smirk.

"Jeez, Phil, you're barely over thirty and your back's already gone," she teased.

Phil made a face at her. He was about to make a retort but she cut him off.

"Ooh, here they come," she grinned, watching the door rattle.

The door was flung off its hinges and men and women in black Kevlar ran in, surrounding them. Melinda turned in a circle slowly, gun aimed at their faces.

"Put the gun down," one of the women said. 

Phil nudged Melinda who glared at him but did as they said, lowering the gun slowly to the ground.

"Hands where we can see them," the same woman said.

Hands behind their heads, Melinda and Phil let themselves be forced back into the cell Phil had just gotten out of. The cell door was shut and locked and the enemy agents left the room silently.

"Well done," Phil said drily, sitting back down where he'd been before Melinda came. "I take it this wasn't your plan?"

"Oh, shut up," Melinda grumbled. "At least you have company now."

Phil shrugged. "True. I'd rather have your company back at SHIELD though."

"You can have both. Lucky you," she said, leaning against the wall next to him.

He frowned. "How do you know that?"

Melinda rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Coulson, it's like you don't know me at all."

As if on cue, a huge explosion sounded above them.

"What..."

"Up you get," Melinda said, unlocking the cell door. "How you managed to get kidnapped by these morons, I don't know."

Phil beat back the blush rising to his cheeks. "They were very persuasive."

"I'm sure they were," Melinda snorted, poking her head around the corner. "Oh look. An empty hallway."

"You say that like you already knew it would be," Phil said, eyeing her warily.

Melinda hummed. "Well, maybe I did. After all, it's not like Ria to do a half-baked job."

"You brought Maria with you?" Phil asked incredulously. "Doesn't she have a dozen other jobs to do?"

"She asked to come. I would never stop her from saving your ass." 

Phil huffed as she laughed.

"Come on, she's probably waiting for us."

Phil squeezed his way through the caved in entrance with minor difficulty, much to Melinda's disappointment.

As predicted, Maria was indeed waiting for them, sticking a band-aid over a scratch on her thumb.

She greeted them with a nod. "Good one, Phil."

"They were very persuasive!" Phil protested as they laughed at him, walking over to the jeep waiting to take them back to HQ.

"Sure they were, Phil," Melinda snickered.