Honest Diaries

Chapter 11

Another almost-two-year-long failed relationship later.

I'm starting to think that I'm cursed. I really thought that this was the one. Matthew. We've clicked almost immediately. It was like it's meant to be. We had the same interests, same hobbies, same taste in music and movies, same values. Only difference? He was six years older than me.

Oh, who am I kidding. It wasn't the only difference. Matthew happened to already have a child. Young irresponsibility ended up being an adorable baby boy. He wasn't speaking with his mom, hell, he hasn't even seen his son. I was determined to change that. Being an only child of divorced parents, I knew what the little boy must've felt like. I was trying to help Matthew in his situation. I even got him to meet with his son, quite a few times. I thought things were getting better. 

What I didn't realize until later that while I was trying to help others, I wasn't doing the right thing for myself. Nothing was being right anymore. We were getting on each other's nerves. We weren't going out anymore. We weren't meeting with other people, except for the occasional meetings with our families. I was feeling suffocated. I wasn't happy.

What happened, you ask? Andrew kept creeping into my mind. Whenever I talked to him, whenever we met, my heart beat faster. And when did I realized that my heart wasn't really over him? When Andrew happened to start dating Tara. How did that happen? I have no idea. I mean, I knew that Tara liked Andrew for quite some time now, but I thought that he saw through her faked niceness. I thought that he saw who she really was. A bitch. A gold digger. A snob. But one day I came to school after being sick for quite some time and couldn't believe my eyes. Or better said ears, because my friend dropped that bomb on me as soon as I sat down at my desk. 'Andrew is dating Tara'. And then I've seen it with my own eyes. She was all over him. I felt like ice water was running through my veins. I wanted to cry. When? How? Why? Okay, I didn't really want to hear the answer to the 'how' question. But I did anyway. Apparently Andrew went on a trip to the mountains with many other friends, Tara included. She got terribly drunk, he took care of her. The magic happened. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be anywhere else but the classroom with the two of them.

The time passed and I sort of got used to Andrew and Tara being together. I mean, my heart ached each time I saw them together, but there was nothing I could do about it. And I've had my own boyfriend to deal with. The problem was that Matthew and me were going downhill already and I didn't see a way to save our relationship. 

Things ended after my high school graduation. I didn't get to medical school. I've hit the new low: a terrible break up, didn't get to my dream school, stopped seeing Andrew since high school ended and heck, he was still dating Tara. 

What am I going to do now? I need to find my own way.