In the days following Troye's death, I barely moved. I don't remember getting out of the café. Not really. I remember a rush of people, someone's hands gently guiding me outside, taking Riley from me, calming us both and wiping my face clean of Troye's blood. They wouldn't let me see him, despite how hard I fought.
Riley and I were taken home in a police car. My parents were called and they arrived not long after but nobody could reach Troye's parents.
It was two days later before they found out their son had died.
I stayed in bed most of the time, alternating between crying and sleeping. Sometimes Riley would join me, not fully understanding what had happened. She would cuddle up to me, trying to hold back her own tears as I held her close. She was four years old and had already experienced the worst thing imaginable; losing a parent.
Troye's parents flew over immediately when they found out and arrived at our door a sobbing mess. Laurelle came up to see me, pulling me in for a hug. It felt wrong; having her comforting me. She'd lost her son, but I'd lost a part of myself.
An endless flow of people sent over flowers and cards expressing their sympathy and sending their prayers. Some people brought over food that just ended up shoved in the freezer. I knew I should be thanking these people but part of me thought that if I did, it would be admitting Troye was gone. And I didn't want to do that.
It was only the day before the funeral that I began to accept that he was gone. I'd ventured downstairs for a few moments, hoping to talk to my mom who had been staying in the guest room to look after Riley. But she must have gone out somewhere and taken Riley with her because the house was quiet. Too quiet. It was silent.
I wandered around the house, taking in every memory. Every part of the house had some reminder of a better time. The photos on the walls showed a happy family. Toys scattered across the floor; a reminder of life. I remembered disagreeing with Troye on the placement of the dining room table, the disagreement turning into a small argument until, eventually, he gave in and let me put it how I wanted. Running my hand down the banister of the stairs, I remembered every passionate night where we had stumbled up these very stairs, tossing clothes off as we went. The dent in the floor of the upstairs hallway where we'd dropped the box containing Riley's new bed. The crooked pictures taped to the wall outside Riley's door that Troye had deliberately hung like that because 'it looks more real'. I could almost hear the echoes of Troye's voice as we played with Riley in the living room, laughing because the game was just ridiculous.
I sat down on the bottom step, burying my face in my hands as I sobbed.
I couldn't do this on my own. I needed him. He was part of me. He kept me stable. He kept me alive.
But I had to do that for myself now. For Riley. Because she couldn't lose two parents. That would scar her for life and she would never get to have a normal childhood.
"Connor?" My mom's voice broke through my thoughts but I didn't look up. I didn't want to see the pity in her eyes.
"He's gone, mom. He's gone and he's not coming back." I sobbed. She sat beside me, pulling me close in comfort.
"I know, baby. And I know you feel like it's the end of the world right now, but it's not. I promise you, life will go on and get better. Remember, you've still got Riley." At the mention of my daughter, I looked up.
"Where is she? I need her."
"She's with your dad. He took her to get an ice-cream so they shouldn't be too far away." She put a hand on my shoulder. "She's confused and upset. She doesn't know what's happening and she needs her papa. She needs you to be strong. I know you don't feel like you can but I also know that you're the strongest person I've ever met. If anyone can get through this, and be okay on the other side, it's you."
"You think?" I sniffed and looked up at her. She nodded.
"I know. You'll get through this and you and Riley will have a wonderful life together. Maybe you'll meet someone else. Maybe you won't. My point is, you'll survive."
"I don't want to meet someone else, mom. Troye, he-he took part of me with him. It's going to be me and Riley against the world." I said forcefully.
"If that's what you want. I'll support you no matter what." I smiled through my tears and hugged her.
"Thank you mom. You're the best." As I spoke, the front door opened and Riley came skipping in with my dad. She froze when she saw me, a grin spreading across her face.
"Papa! You're awake!"
"Yeah, come here, princess." I requested, reaching towards her. She handed her ice-cream to dad and ran over to me, throwing herself into my arms. I hugged her tightly, kissing her head as she snuggled into my neck.
"I love you, papa."
"I love you too, Riley. So much. I'll always love you, no matter what, okay?" Riley pulled back and frowned at me, not understanding.
"Why?"
"Just remember that. Always remember that I love you."
"Okay."
~~
Riley and I did make it through what was the hardest year of our lives. We moved out of the house we'd been living in because it just had too many memories. Instead, we lived in an apartment closer to where my parents were. It was small but we both had our own bedroom and bathroom so it worked for us.
As Riley grew up, she got a better understanding of what had happened to Troye and she kept a photo of the three of us on her bedside table. She proudly talked about her father who sacrificed himself for her whenever people asked about him at school. To her, Troye was a hero. He was an angel watching over her.
As for me, I never met anyone else who felt right. Sure, I tried a few times, thinking that it might be good for Riley to have another parental figure around but there was always a part of me that felt like I was betraying Troye. So, I learned to be happy by myself, watching Riley grow into a beautiful young woman who was passionate about everything she believed in and worked hard to get what she wanted.
Each year, on the anniversary of Troye's death, we would go back to the café and sit by the mermaid fountain in silence, remembering him. There was a small plaque on the wall beside the door of the café with Troye's name and the name of the teenage boy who had also died that day. I'd always wanted to do something sentimental, like touch it on my way in, but I'd never been able to bring myself to go into that café.
On the day of Riley's high school graduation, we had been just about to leave when she jumped out of the car and rushed back into the apartment. I was confused for a moment before she came back, clutching the photo of Troye that usually hung in the living room.
"He should be with us today, papa. He'd want to see this." She told me and I nodded.
"Of course he would. He'd be so proud of you, Riley. Just like I am."
"I just wish he'd been around to see this."
"He's watching over you. I know he is. He can see what a beautiful young woman you are."
"I love you, papa." She squeezed my hand as we headed off to the ceremony.
"I love you too, Riley. Always and forever."
A/N: I have written a short one-shot set after the story from Troye's point of view, let me know if you guys would like to see that too.
