Same Old Love

Cry but don't break

[21] Beep-beep-beep

I blinked my eyes open, the room I was in blurred. I jumped slightly, looking around in panic as the machine beeped loudly. "No, no, no!" I panicked, pushing my body up as I groaned in pain, touching my now flatter stomach. My belly, my baby. "Oh God, where is my baby? What happened?" I cried out as I sobbed, the machine beeping louder. "Where's my baby? Oh no, no, no." I cried out hysterically as I tried to get out of the bed.

The door burst open, Diego rushing in. "Diego, where is my baby? What happened?" I asked agitated, my chest heaving up and down as my breathing came out deeply. Diego grabbed my face as he caressed my cheeks, "Shh, it's okay. You almost had an abortion but the doctor made everything possible to get him out. He's too little still so he's in the incubator."

"I want to see him, I want to see him Diego. Take me to him." I barely spoke and was out of breath as my chest heaved, "Calm down Leanne, you need to relax and get some sleep." Diego tried to get me to relax on the bed. "I want to see him Diego, now!" I barked out at him, hissing in pain.

"No, you're going to stay here until you're better." He tried to touch my face but I yanked his hands away, "No Diego, I need to see him. Please." I begged him as tears coated my eyes, "No, I'm sorry, You're still weak and fragile. Just relax and try to stay calm. The baby is fine. I can't even see him, he can't have visitors yet. We have to wait."

"No, I can't Diego! I need to see with my own eyes if he's okay. I can't just stay in bed and wondering if the baby is okay." I pleaded him as I stared at him in his eyes, "I'm sorry, It's not me. I didn't even see him that well. The doctors allowed me to see him only for a few seconds when he was born, that's it."

"I'm his mother, I need to see him, it's not even fair Diego! How can I not, be allowed to see him. Do something, I don't care but please, I'm begging you. Do something so we can see him." He sighed, nodding his head at me as he cupped my face.

"I will see what I can do but I can't promise you anything." I nodded my head at him and closed my eyes briefly when he kissed my forehead, "I'll be right back." Diego pulled away from me and walked toward the door, getting out.

The moment he got out, I removed the wires from my body and stood up, silencing the machine. I hissed in pain and touched my stomach, scooting slowly toward the edge as I stood up. My legs were a bit unsteady but that didn't stop me. I slowly made my way toward the door and opened it, looking outside before getting out.

I touched the wall as I pushed my way toward the neonatal intensive care unit, trying not to be seen as I turned my front to the wall every time a nurse would walk by or pretend to be doing something else. I breathed in and out as I made my way toward the neonatal intensive care unit. "Leanne!"

I groaned, hurrying a bit my pace. "What the hell were you thinking?!" Diego scolded as he appeared in front of me as I busted into tears. He pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around his neck as I cried heavily. "Shh, it's okay. Hey, look at me." 

He pulled away from me and cupped my face, tilting my head up, "Everything will be okay, I promise you that." He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer once more, running his hands comfortingly, up and down my back.

"Alpha." Diego pulled away from me as he turned around to look at the nurse, I immediately stepped beside him. "Can we see him? Is he okay? What's going on? Why won't they let me see him." I bombarded the nurse with questions, Diego snatching my arm in his hand when I stepped forward. 

The nurse sighed and looked at Diego, my eyes shifting to look at him. What was he hiding from me? "I talked to the doctor, he said only for a few minutes." I placed my hand on my heart as I breathed out in relief, turning to look at Diego.

"Thank you Karina." Karina nodded her head and turned to look at me, "You shouldn't have walked out of your room like that Luna, you had a cesarean. You need to rest." The nurse warned me as she turned to look back at Diego. "I'll bring the wheel chair, she can't walk." She sighed, "She already did but oh well. I'll be right back." 

He sighed, nodding his head at the nurse as he helped me sit down on the chair next to the wall in the hallway. Diego grabbed my hands as he sighed, brushing my knuckles. I slid my hands out of his and ran them through my hair as I leaned my head down, "It's going to be okay Leanne." Diego said calmly and I moved away when he tried to touch me and stood up abruptly.

"Can you stop saying that!"I hissed out at him as I touched my lower stomach, my breathing heavy as I stared at him with a shook of a head. "You can't lie to me Diego." My eyes filled with tears at that, "I know you like the palm of my hand, I know very well that something is wrong so stop saying that everything will be okay. I can see it in your eyes." 

"I can feel it here." I touched my heart as angry tears slid down my cheeks, "I know he has small chances to live and it's all my fault, I was up and down, stressed. I caused this." I dug my fingers at my chest, "The guilt is killing me, he is in there because of me. He is weak and fragile because of me. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

Diego shook his head as he stood up, "No Diego." I sniffed, wiping my tears away, "I know it's my fault. I need to see him. I feel it in my heart, I need to do this. It doesn't matter if it's minutes or seconds. I just need to see him to relief this pain I feel deep inside." 

Diego walked toward me and pulled me into a hug, his hands brushing up and down my back comfortingly as I sobbed hard. I rested my head on his chest, my arms wrapped around his waist as I sniffed, my body trembling as I tried to calm myself down. 

"I brought the wheel chair." The nurse said behind us and we pulled away, his hands on my cheeks as he brushed my tears away and leaned in to kiss my forehead, "I believe in him Leanne, he will make it. You should too." I nodded my head at him as I sniffed, wiping my remain tears away.

I sat down on the wheel chair and rolled me toward the neonatal intensive care unit. The unit was still, it was almost empty. We had to put on special clothing before stepping inside. A soft cry reached my ears and my heart ached at that, my baby. I breathed shakily as I touched my heart, "Diego...it's him." I massaged my heart as I grazed down my bottom lip before busting into tears. "He's fine Leanne." Diego leaned down in front of me, "He is strong and a fighter, he will get through this Leanne. You'll see." He squeezed my hands and leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

The nurse rolled me toward my baby and I looked at him sadly, all these wires on him. He was so little but yet, full of live. I smiled tearfully at that, touching him through the open space. "Hey baby, I'm your mother. I can't wait to hold you close." I sniffed deeply, "You will get through this and you will come home."    

"I'm sorry, It breaks my heart seeing you like this. Deep in my heart, it makes me feel guilty. I should have protected you and took better care of you. You're here now, now it's not up to me anymore, now it's up to you. I put you through a fight at such a young age but I'm sure you'll get stronger. I have faith in you."

I looked around in confusion when the machine started to make strange sounds, "What is happening?" I asked worried, the nurse pulling me away as three nurses and a doctor came, "Get her out, we're losing him."

"What no!" I tried to stand up but Diego held me back as the nurse followed the order of the doctor and took me out of the neonatal intensive care unit. "No! I want to go back there, I need to be in there. No. No!" 

"Leanne, calm down, everything will be okay." Diego tried to hold me still in the wheel chair but I wouldn't listen, "No! How can you be so calm down about this? Our son is about to die, I don't want to lose him! No, please, please, please." I sobbed hard, pushing Diego away as I tried to stand up from the wheel chair.

"We both can't break Leanne, If I break who's going to help you? One of us needs to stay sane and positive Leanne, I'm not going to break and neither will you." Diego grabbed my forearms, "Our son will not die, he is a fighter and he is strong. He will not fail us Leanne, we might have failed him, you can put the blame on whoever you want, I can put the blame on whoever I want but one thing I know is that he won't fail us Leanne, he won't."

I burst into tears, my feet giving up beneath me as I slid down the floor, Diego holding me close as I sobbed hard, my body racking with my broken cries as Diego held me tightly, his arms wrapped around me comfortingly as he muttered uplifting words into my ear. "Cry all you want Leanne, but don't breakdown. Our son needs the both of us."