Same Old Love

Someone to heal my soul

[22] I pulled the pillow closer to my head as I curled up in a ball and sniffed, my knuckle brushing underneath my eyes as I breathed out shakily. The door opened behind me, not even lifting my head I could. I was sick, but on the inside, not physcially. My soul was sick, my soul was numb. I know I need to be strong, but it's been a week. I was sad because I was about to leave the hospital and my baby had to stay. I couldn't take him home like it should have been. He had to stay here, the doctor told us that he needs to stay at least three months more.

I flinched, snapping out of it when Diego touched my arm, brushing it slightly. I ignored him, hearing him sigh behind me as he stepped away from me but didn't leave the room. He has been here with me since he brought me here and didn't leave my side, only to get home to freshen up and get back, trying to get me to eat but I couldn't, It felt as if I had something stuck up in my throat, I couldn't eat as much as I wanted to.

My soul wasn't cooperating either, I knew that I couldn't break but I can't help it. The door knocked before a nurse entered, "I brought her food." Diego and the nurse I presumed exchanged words because I didn't hear nor I was interested into hearing, nothing that isn't related to my son seem to matter to me.

I heard the door close as Diego made his way toward me, "Come on Leanne, eat." I shook my head at him as I sniffed, staring down at basically nothing, "It's for your own good." I shook my head once more, ignoring the food. 

He placed the tray on the nightstand and touched my arm, "You need to eat Leanne, you can't stay like this." He spoke softly, "Just eat." I shook my head once more, "Can you eat for the love of God!" I flinched as he raised his voice, "If you forgot, we have a son in intensive care, I can't handle you getting sick too! Is that what you want?! You in the intensive care too? Yeah, leaving Diego here to suffer no? Besides, he's not hurt either way. You are killing me here Leanne, this is killing me, everything is kill me right now. I can't break! That's why I'm here, so you can break! Cry all you want! Be angry at whoever you want, scream, shout but I can't break, I need to be there, I need to be the one who lifts you up, if I break? Who's gonna lift us up? All we have is each other, I can't lose you Leanne."

"You already did." I spoke after my silence and turned my head to stare at him, "That's why I can't lose you again, I will work hard to bring us back to the way we were. I don't care if it takes ages, I won't leave your side Leanne. Never again. I made that mistake once, I won't do it twice, I won't let you down, I promise you that I won't let you down. I know I can treat you better and I will, better than someone else can."

I turned my body as he grabbed my hands, brushing my knuckles and hair out of my forehead. I stared at him perplex, not knowing what to say as I blinked my eyes, my lips parted slightly. "Now can you eat? I know what you're doing, you need to get better Leanne, not eating just so you can stay a little more is not the answer."

"I'm not doing that Diego." He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "Fine, you caught me but seriously. I can't eat, I feel this lump in my throat. Seriously, I don't feel hungry." Diego sighed, nodding his head in understanding. "Fine but just this once, I have someone who's been dying to see you."

"Who?" Diego smiled at me as he walked toward the door, "You can come in." Diego opened the door wider, my hand cupping my mouth in shock as Hannah walked in and I pushed myself up to sit on the bed. "Hannah."

"Lilly!" She squealed at me excitedly as she rushed toward me, my arms opening as I pulled her into a tight hug. "Oh God, I missed you so much." I kissed her forehead as I pulled away from her, "How have you been?"

"Great! I have new parents, they love me so much! I have toys, I eat three times a day, they give me ice cream, cake and a lot and a lot of candy!" I smiled at that, shaking my head at her as I ruffled her hair, "A lot of candy is not healthy." She smiled sheepishly and I smiled wider, "Who can say no to you? You're such a sweetheart." I touched her chin as I flicked her nose, her grin widening. "Oh, you have a missing tooth. Did you put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy?"

"Yes I did, and she gave me ten dollars! I put it in my wolf money box." She told me proudly and I smiled at that, grazing down my bottom lip as I looked down. She was the only one that healed my soul, even if it was for a few minutes. She warmed up my soul. 

I glanced up when she touched my hand, "Don't be sad Lilly, you can be my mother too." I smiled at that, touching her face. "I'm not sad about that love, no matter what. I will still be your mommy." I hugged her close, "Is for your baby?" I froze, "Don't worry Lilly, he will be fine so I can play with him. He's my brother right?" I busted into a teary smile as I nodded my head at her, "Yes baby, he is your brother." I kissed her forehead, leaning her against my chest as I brushed her hair, mouthing a thank you to Diego.

He returned it with a smile as he walked out of the room, "So, tell me more about your family?"

The days went by like nothing, I got discharged from the hospital and went home, much to Diego's protest. I knew we couldn't be together, not now nor ever. I don't know. Now all that matters is my son. "Honey how are you?" My mother asked me as she came into my room with a tray of food, placing it on my nightstand as she sat down on the bed next to me.

"I've been better." She sighed, "I know the doctor said that he's stable but I can't help but feel an ache deep inside of my heart." My mother smiled at me as she grabbed my hand, "That's a mother's ache." She touched my heart, "That will never Leave Leanne, that's just an intuition you got. You will have it for the rest of your life. Your mother intuition will always be there."

"Do you still have yours." I asked my mother as she grabbed the tray, giving me the glass with orange juice. "Of course I do, why do you think I let your father call you? I knew that you weren't okay and that staying away wasn't the solution. You needed to face it straight forward."

"Look how facing it straight forward turned out to be, my son almost died and is still in danger. Maybe I shouldn't have come mom, maybe staying away was better." My mother sighed, "Let's not talk about that, eat." I placed the glass on the nightstand as I took the plate over from my mother's hand. 

"Oh, it's your phone." My mother said as she moved from the bed and headed toward the vanity table to grab my phone, "Hello? Diego." I shook my head at my mom, making signals at her to tell Diego that I was busy. "Leanne? Here she is." I glared at her, "You need to talk to him, face it." She covered the speakers when she spoke and gave me the phone.

I sighed deeply, inhaling and exhaling before answering the phone. "Hello?" I chewed down my bottom lip nervously, my hand rubbing my stomach, a habit. "I was eating." I told him as I picked at my food, no longer hungry. "At your house?" I forced down the food I accidentally chewed and placed the fork down. "Oh, okay. I'll be there."

I hung up and placed the tray on the nightstand, drinking the orange juice. "What did he want?" My mother asked me as I stood up from the bed, "He prepared the nursery room and he wanted me to see it." I shrugged my shoulders at that, making my way toward my closet to change into something more appropriated. 

"Is that it? Why are you dressing up then?" I lifted an eyebrow as I scoffed, shaking my head at that. "Are you calling this dressing up? I can't go in these shorts and this spaghetti strap, besides. It's cold outside." I made my way past her and picked my bag and keys, heading out. "I wasn't born yesterday Leanne but if you want to fool yourself just do it."

I ignored her and made my way out of the house, heading toward my car. I unlocked the door and got into the driver seat, closing the door as I placed my bag on the seat and started the engine.