Undeserving Of Your Sympathy (ON HOLD)

Why Do The Ones We Hold Closest Make Us Cry The Most?

It's dark when I awake finally again. Bloodbath is in the corner of my room and gives me quite a scare spotting two yellow eyes gleaming at me through the dark.

"What - why are you here?" I'm relieved to see the gothic princess once again.

She gets up and walks over to my side.
"They're coming for you. They will find you. Hide. Now."

I'm taken aback slightly by her words. Although spoken softly there was panic in them. Perhaps she didn't want to alarm me too much? They can't be after me. I've done nothing wrong.

"What? Hide now?" I say, stuttering. I sit up and look her in the eyes.

"Not literally now but in the near future. They've found out about what this hotel does and who runs it. They know we kill people. They know the mystery behind the people not returning to their families and home. They know us more than we do ourselves. We need to hide away from reality. In this case - let go of - Frank."

"I've been trying to but I just - "

"Look," she sits beside me. "I know you're drawn to him. He is special to you. But we found something you didn't know about. Until now..."

She fumbles around in her sleeve for a good minute or two before handing over a yellow slip of paper, crumpled up in its behold.

I unfold it to read Bloodbath's slanted writing all over it. It's too untidy for me to read. I look up at her with a confused expression.

Bloodbath sighs.
"Basically, Iero's parents are secret agents and his sister is part of the government. They can put you down and this place out of business for good. You need to stop."
"You need to stop thinking about Frank. You need to stop talking to Frank. You need to stop listening to Frank. You need to stop any communication with Frank. Before you know it, you'll be put on death row. Come on. Don't do it. Don't die on us. We're the only family you've got and you know it."

As much as I don't want to believe it, she's right. The bats are the only family I've got. Who will take care of them if I'm dead and gone?
Sure Bloodbath is smart and mature and the eldest after me, but she won't be able to take care of Fangs and Soulless.
And then what will happen?
All of this will be my fault. All I have to do is block out Frank and ignore him. That's tougher than you expect.

I bite my lip and grind my teeth. This can't be happening. Not Frank. Surely not? This is why I need to protect him.

But how do I protect someone I have to shield from my own self?

"Can I be alone for a minute? Please?" I glance back up at Bloodbath in order to gesture her out of my room.

Yes I felt very bad doing this but I have to be alone to breakdown. It's easier for me. Honestly.

I kneel down and cry and cry. I cry so much but I steal back the small sobs that could escape at any minute in this moment.

I don't want to be seen as weak. Nor do I want to be seen as defeated by time or fearful. No.
I don't want to be seen as those things but deep down inside I know I really am those things.
Just because I'm a bloodthirsty vampire doesn't mean I can't cry to myself.
Besides, there's no one else to soothe me. My memories are well in the past.

What am I going to do with Frank? Over this week I've known him for, I've grown soft and lovey-dovey.

This isn't me. This isn't me. This just isn't me.
It doesn't make sense. None of this makes any sense. Life doesn't make sense and it's messing with my brain.

I need to clear myself up before I start walking around the hotel at this hour. I don't want to scare anyone in the halls. Sometimes I forget that everyone else is practically asleep when I start working here.
Maybe that's a good thing as if worked in the day, I would have to make more contact with Frank. Perhaps it's fortunate I'm not able to be awake when he is?

I shut my sniffling up and begin to walk down the steps.
I can't be soft anymore. I won't be soft anymore. I should never have been 'soft' in the first place. If it weren't for that Frank I would never be in this state.

I walk down the steps, my black hair flowing freely behind me as my fists clench. From now on, I will not be nice to anyone apart from my bats.

That's right. I will not be nice to anyone and that includes Frank. Iero.

It's only a matter of time before I get his sweet bloody mess on my pale, murderous palms. This has to be done. I haven't felt this way in ages and to feel my sense come back to me is all I've ever wanted and missed.