Undeserving Of Your Sympathy (ON HOLD)

If It's Not Feelings, What Is This Weird Sensation?

Our eyes lock for a second and I take a brief moment to appreciate his beautiful, gleaming, chestnut eyes.
He needs to be protected from the rest of the world. I can tell. He's not capable of walking this world alone.
Sure he's lived until now but you wait, if I let him go something, just something, will happen. I know it will if I don't protect him. He's special. One day someone will find that out and want to steal him away from the world.
I know it sounds just idiotic judging by his looks but there's something about him.
He can't leave this hotel and I must make sure of it.
"Uhm... my workers will be in the kitchen if you - uh - need anything."
I stutter. Huh? That's weird. I've said something like this before and I'll say it again; I've never been scared to say anything or nervous about anything so why now?
Mr Iero has a weird effect on me. I haven't decided if I like it yet. It feels bad in a good way. Where has he been all my life?
What have I done to deserve this precious mortal in my hotel? In my guest room? In my guest bed?
I have a sudden urge to climb in with Mr Iero. He looks so perfect and his tattoos from what I can see are amazingly drawn and stunning to what meets the eye.
His face is truly blessed and from my black soul I can say that he's the most perfect mortal to ever live.
I hide away from his face. I can't have feelings. The last time I ever had feelings it went wrong. I can't do anything right so I might as well not do anything at all.
I sigh at myself. There's no sympathy involved.
"Well, have a good night." I say slowly as I shut the door and walk downstairs.
"So how's the new kid?" Soulless says to me when I walk into the kitchen.
"Why are you down here, Soulless? Aren't you meant to be resting?" I respond to him.
"Uh, well. Uhm - I'd like to stay up tonight. I'm not tired anyway."
"Oh, ok. Well, just make sure that you have enough energy for the day tomorrow. It's your main day tomorrow, too. Be prepared." I say.
I hesitate for a second.
"Have you - uh - have you ever had a um weird feeling and can't exactly, well, you know - express it?" I finally manage to get it out to Soulless.
He knows I'm bisexual. Ha. A bisexual vampire? Never heard of it in my life! You must be thinking. But oh no, I'm attracted to females as equally as I am to males. But only males that specifically catch my eye. Like Mr Iero.
"Where are you going with this, Gerard?" Soulless replies.
"Well, you know - wait don't worry never mind it's stupid anyway." I gulp, anxiousness building up. I need to say this to Soulless. He's my closest friend. I share everything with him and he'd never tell anyone anything. No detail no nothing. Not even hints. I'm sure I can trust him with this one - thing.
But I'm not sure I'm ready to say it. I know it's a stupid little thing but I don't know what it is enough to say it's real feelings.
For all I know, I'm wanting to suck his blood so bad. And on the other hand I want to keep him as a sexual pleasure. Of course I would be fair to him. He'd always get fed at least two meals a day and I'd make sure he's warm at night.
But I know deep down inside I have not feelings but lust. For blood. Rich, rich blood.
I need to keep myself sane. To never, ever, think about killing Mr Iero.