Undeserving Of Your Sympathy (ON HOLD)

The Balcony

"Gerard?" His voice splits through me like a dagger behind me.
I stop in my tracks and turn my head to an angle where he can only see the shape of my nose and the rest of the side of my face.
He doesn't walk anymore. I can sense him just standing there like a sleepy liar.

"What?" My voice echoes all around us. It startles me quite a bit, I can't begin to think about how Frank feels right now.
No. I refuse to feel for him. I can't give in to him.

"You don't seem like yourself. What's gotten into you?"

I spin around and close my eyes.
"You have no idea."

He looks at me with a confused expression. He looks scared too.

Frank hesitates for a second.
"What? I don't - understand..."
He looks down at the ground. Could this be it?

"Please," I say with a small voice. He's hurting me. "Just - just go." My eyes sting. I've hurt him.
This is a feeling I haven't felt since August 12th. That cold, panicky feeling. That ghostly, haunting feeling. That old, sinking feeling. That - that tremor...

"So this is how it ends? After everything I felt for you. After thinking I ever had a friend. All I wanted to do was to talk to you. To open up to you. I thought you understood people. I can't believe I fell for it. I thought this would be the place to call home but Mr Way I was wrong about you. I can't believe..." he looks at me for not more than one more second and runs away.

I can feel his silent cries behind the wall of flesh he hides it from. I gasp. What have I done? I should never have doubted Frank.

I thought he was a liar. I thought he was a disgusting mortal. But then I started to grow feelings for this young man.
All I want to do is take back time and everything I've ever said to that mortal. I judged too quickly.
I don't hesitate and run in the tracks he left behind him. He went to the balcony. Where I felt suicidal. Frank.

I brush past waiters and waitresses. I slam into hard rock walls. I trip over three times on the slippery wet floor. I yell
Frank's name as loud as my lungs can scream. I kick plant pots and small vases over, smashing them against that cold wet floor from the pressure of my own foot.
I hit my arm hard on one of the glass windows, almost shattering it into tiny pieces falling everywhere.
I bleed from my sensitive skin from the injuries I cause but nothing hurts more than Frank does me. And it's all because of myself.

I turn a corner to find the balcony. A figure is seated on the edge of the barrier built to prevent people from falling off. I hope it still works as good as it's meant to. It worked for me.

"Frank!" My breath gets caught up in the wind of how high up it is. Anyone to jump from here would cause immediate death.
My voice may be weak at this point from screaming and crying but he hears me. His face, no fear. His eyes, no fear. His lips, quivering in the cold, but still no fear.

"I don't get it." I say walking up to where he is.
He looks confused.
"Why aren't you scared of me?"

"Mr Way, I-I'm not scared of you. I thought you hated me. My mom and dad did. So did my sister. I guess things just turned out shit for me."

I touch his arm gingerly, barely touching him.
"It's Gerard. And I don't fucking hate you. To be honest, I'm a monster and you should be running from me, not trying to fucking kill yourself from a hotel balcony."

"Gerard-"

"Look. I've seen people die in front of me. As a fucking kid my loved ones, my brother, screaming my name to help him. Me frozen in fear incase I would get killed. I could never forgive myself if I lost you, too..."

"Gerard, I'm not planning on killing myself. I had to get away from the drama and craziness of this hotel before I do. Some parts in my life I've definitely had attempts. But never had the guts to do anything like jump. I'm scared - terrified - of heights."

"I take that you're not scared of me if you've opened up to me?"

"Yes," Frank nods his head. "You're not a monster. In my eyes, you're troubled but I can see through you. You wouldn't do anything on purpose to harm anyone. Not out of anger, anyway."

He jumps off the balcony and hugs me tightly. "If you have any suicidal thoughts, I will kill you before you kill yourself!"
I laugh at his joke.

"You'd better come inside, it's freezing out here." I walk him back into the warmth of the hotel. Thank god he didn't kill himself. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.