unconsciously searching

Chapter 12

The minute I woke up, a wave of something terrible hit me. I quickly sat up and looked around

I was in a bathtub.

"Jesus" I whispered.

My head was throbbing and I wanted to close my eyes again.

I don't remember anything that happened last night other then bein kicked out of the house (as usual) but not before he beat me again. My face looked worse then ever in the reflection of the bathtub, the whole left side of my face was bruised and I could still see blood stains in my teeth. The cut on my lip had opened again and my chin had a bruise on it resembling a knuckle mark. I had no where to go. all i could remember was some how making my way to this bar and taking a hole lot of tiny blue pills and drinking away anything I felt. Now I guess I was in their bathroom, Jesus even they forgot about me.

My hands slowly traced back to my wrists. That right, I remember slowly carving in the red lines into my skin last night with a razor blade. Watching the red spill and slowly slip down my hand. It mesmerized me every time.

I looked at the electric clock That was hung up on the wall

"11:45"

I sat quickly.

Goddammit I had to go to school!

Now usually, I assure you, I'm not so keen to be in Math class, but because of my "history" I couldn't have any in exused absences or else I would have to serve time in detention.

I got up and as I made my way out the door I caught my reflection in a mirror. I looked terrible. My eye was almost swollen shut and my shirt and a number of holes in it. I think I had a bit to much fun with my razor blade. I was aware that I smelled like a bar.

Before I left I popped 3 more little blue pills. Then I was out the door.

I couldn't help but think to myself on the way to school

"Oh gosh" I thought

"I did it again"

I had told myself I was never going to take drugs again after my last visit to rehab. I guess I broke that promise. Hopefully everything was going to be ok.