The Beat of War Drums

Chapter 3 - The Way Things Are

Author's Note: I plan on keeping the update schedule at every other Wednesday until the Fairy Tail Manga ends, but after that, I'm not sure. Thank you all for the support. Please note that there are triggers in this, and every, chapter. If you have PTSD, anxiety, depression, or dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities) and find my descriptions to be wrong, please let me know. I want things to be as accurate as possible, but I'm not quite sure of the ins and outs of such mental ailments. Natsu's dissociative identity disorder isn't typical, though. It's mostly just a second voice, almost a second presence within him that sometimes takes control. Enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 3

Several Years Later - Natsu's P.O.V.

 Things hadn't really changed much since I joined the guild. Not to me, at least. Mira and Erza still picked fights from time to time. Gray and I were still terrible rivals and Erza would always break up our fights. Cana is still drinking all the time, but now it's "grown-up juice." Levy is still just as book-obsessed as when she was a kid, maybe even more. The Strauss siblings were still best friends. I still hid all of my actual feelings. I still felt needed, by these people at least. The things that had changed were immense though, and it always took me a minute whenever I got lost in my memories to realize that the guild has changed. The guild has changed a lot. Gajeel is giving Levy that look that makes her heart soar as she goes on and on about how stupid the main character of the book she's reading is being. Laxus is flirting with Mira, and she doesn't seem bothered by it at all. Bickslow and Lisanna are talking comically about something unimportant. Wendy is transfixed by Romeo's display of magic. Lucy and Erza are talking quietly while Gray is chatting with Juvia. Evergreen and Elfman seem chummy. Things really have changed. They've changed a lot.

"Natsu?" Lucy asks, waving her hand in front of my face, a confused look marring her gorgeous features.

"Huh?" I reply, snapping out of my momentary daze.

"I asked if something was wrong." Erza says softly, prompting me to speak.

Then, it sets in. The bandages, the sorrowful looks on everyone's faces, the uncanny aging of certain guild members. Oh yes, things have certainly changed, and not for the better. Tartaros. I nearly growl just thinking of the dark guild. They defied me. No, they betrayed me. Everyone betrays me. 'You betray everyone else though, too. At least they had a reason, you good-for-nothing monster. Murderer.' a voice echoes in my head. I know that I'm the only person who can hear it. Him. I'm the only one who can hear him, who can hear me. He is me. I am him. We are one and the same, it's just that he is the voice of reason, the thought, while I am the voice of madness, the feeling. Yes, things have certainly changed. I suddenly become aware that I'm dazing off again.

"I'm fine." I say quickly. I immediately steady my breathing and give my friends a cheeky grin, making it look a bit forced. I'm supposed to be sad too. "Sorry for worrying you."

"It's okay to feel sad, you know." Erza points out. "Sometimes, I think you're unstoppable. It always takes me a moment to remember that you're human too. You lost your father, Natsu. You're allowed to grieve." she says, sounding a bit upset. I hate upsetting my friends. "He died right in front of you and you're still smiling, still strong." she gasps, tears gathering in her eyes. 'No, not this. Anything but this. I want to feel needed. I need them to need me. Please, don't get sick of me yet!' 'We don't deserve this kindness. After all, it isn't the first time that someone 'important' died in front of you. Not the first time we've felt a family member's blood drip down our skin and choose to do nothing, either. Murderer.' "I'm so sorry, Natsu!" she cries, choking back a sob and embracing me rather than just slamming my head against her breastplate.