Killing Tink

Ch. 5

The next day she woke up to the sound of heels clacking across the tiled floor. A woman came in her room with a clipboard. Her face was scrunched up and her pen clicked repeatedly on her clipboard.

"Hello. My name is Nadia and I'm from Patient Registration. We don't have any information for you on file yet. Could you tell me your name and address? Or perhaps a family member that I can call for you?"

Tink stared at her. She wanted to answer but she didn't know who she was. Was she Jade? The girl who went with with a boy to the beach such a long time ago? The girl who thought life was so unfair and wanted a new one? Or was she Tink? The girl in the dark room dreaming of making a better life for her baby? The girl that Stash expected her to be.

She felt herself staring at the woman who tapped the pen waiting for an answer. They just stood there looking at each other until a familiar voice cut the silence and ended the stare down.

"I don't think you're in the right place. Please go out to the nurse's desk if you need any information about this room."

The woman didn't blink an eye, she just made her way out of the room without so much as a glance while the psychiatrist took his seat again.

"Hello. You handled that very well. And you look much better today. Its just me, John, I'm here to visit, just like I said I would. How's your pain? Are you in pain? Because I imagine you're in a great deal of it. And of course I'm talking about your physical pain. It can be loud, but nothing like the inside pain."

Tink stared at him. She knew exactly what he was talking about. Sort of. Her body hurt. Her face and head especially. She wondered if they'd ever not hurt again. But she didn't feel any other kind of pain. Maybe a bit scared, but she wouldn't call that pain.

John cleared his throat. "Here's the thing. I can't go on talking to you and not know your name. It's just unsettling. I'm going to ask you to try to tell me your name. Otherwise, we can think of something I can call you that we both agree on. How does that sound?"

Tink closed her eyes and thought about saying her name. Again the thoughts swirled around. Who am I? Which me is me? She barely remembered being Jade. And she hated Tink. More than she could stand to think about. But she didn't want to let this man down. She didn't want him to stop coming into her room. For some reason she didn't understand he seemed like the only thing there was to hold on to.

"I'll tell you what. Let's just agree on something until you're ready. How about Hope? Is it alright if I call you Hope?"

She thought about the word. About how much it could mean when you had it. About how badly it felt when it was gone. She knew he'd already picked it. And thinking about the word was probably a shrink game. But she nodded.

"That's great. I'm going to call you Hope until we come up with your name then. I was thinking about you on my way home last night Hope; I was thinking about how scary it would be to wake up here, in this hospital. In this town, maybe even at all. And now you're in a bed, tied up, not even a single face you know. If that happened to me, or my daughter I couldn't imagine it. So let's talk about getting those ties off ok?"

Jade looked at the ties on her red wrists. Wrists that looked old and thin skinned. She couldn't even imagine that those were her wrists. And she wondered what she had done to get in those. And what she was capable of if they came off.

The shrink in the chair must have been reading her face because he said "What would happen if I took those off Hope?"

Tink struggled to understand. Was he trying to get her confess? Had she really killed Stash? Maybe she'd done worse.

"Let's see what would happen. I'm going to take them off. And when I leave I'll put them back on. Does that sound ok?"

Tink felt herself begin to cry. He was a genius. He really knew exactly what he was doing. But what if he forgot? What if he took them off and she attacked him? Maybe Stash was right. Maybe she was an evil bitch.

John slowly moved to the end and placed his hands on the side rail. Tink clenched her muscles feeling the room shrink and her breathing get faster. She concentrated on his eyes.

When he took the tie off her left hand she didn't move it. She didn't feel an urge to hurt anyone. She wiggled her fingers slowly.

"I'm not going to take off the other tie Hope. I'm going to leave that up to you. It's your arm, it's your decision."

Tink sighed with relief. She rolled on her side for the first time since she had woken up here. It didn't feel wonderful. Something was poking her and she lifted her arm and looked under the cover. It was just her bones poking where they hadn't. She didn't see anything unusual happening at all. She felt her stomach and it was still bulging. She placed her hand on it and rubbed.

John was watching her from his spot back on the chair but she didn't care. She still had her baby. Nothing else mattered. She wondered about the drugs they had given her. Surely they wouldn't hurt the baby. Hospitals were where babies were born.

"Hope? I'm going to ask a favor. I want to ask you a few questions. Easy questions. And all I want you to do is shake your head yes or no if you know the answer."

Tink shook her head yes.

"Do you remember the night they brought you to the hospital?"

Tink didn't have to think about that. She didn't. She shook her head no.

"Do you know how to speak? I'm not asking you to do it, I'm just asking if you are capable."

She shook her head yes.

"Do you know your name?"

Tink didn't shake her head at all. How was this the hard question? She'd always been someone hadn't she? But who was she now? She just looked at him. And he nodded.

"You're in pretty bad shape Hope. You're eighty two pounds. You came in here in really bad health. You have some old, and new broken bones and a lot of trauma to your head and face. Do you know who did this to you?"

Tink felt herself panicking. What if Stash was still out there. What if he came there looking for her? What if he was there in the hospital. What if there was a fire or a car wreck and they were brought in together. She didn't know how to answer this. How could she know what to say.

John ignored the frantic beeping of the monitors and kept his eyes on her. She looked back at him, ashamed. She didn't know how to answer.

"How did I get here?" The words came out thick and gruff and they hurt when she pushed the air out but she saw him smile.

"That a girl!" I know that probably hurt. But it will get easier.

Tink ran her tongue across her teeth. Jagged and rough. She lifted her untied arm to feel them. They were broken. Stash had broken her teeth. What kind of mom doesn't have teeth? How would she smile at her baby and not scare it?

"Do you think you're ready Hope? For me to tell you about how you were brought in? Because we can start easier. The important thing is that you're here. And you survived."

Tink nodded her head. She had no idea what happened to her. No idea what happened to Stash. She'd never be able to go past not knowing.

"You were found by a hunter. In the woods. You were tied up, naked, and beaten. He thought you were dead and called the police. He didn't even touch you because he was positive you were dead. But you aren't. You're alive Hope, and getting stronger every day."

Tink closed her eyes. She remembered being so cold and weak and tired. She remembered getting carried and thrown in the truck. Stash had left her. Just like he said he would. He left her on the side of the road like garbage. She looked at her finger remembering the ring. It was gone. He had taken back the ring.

She waited for tears, or anger, or anything to bubble up but nothing did. Nothing came except an empty hollow feeling. She thought about John's words. She was alive. She was Hope. But that didn't bring her any consolation. She didn't know if she were happy to be alive. Everything was just so wrong.

She felt herself drifting into sleep and she didn't fight it.

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