Killing Tink

Ch. 21

John woke up cold but covered in a slick sheen of sweat.  He rolled over gently to keep from
disturbing anything. It was a new day and though he already felt like as though he'd ran a marathon from shivering and laying in the same position all night, it was time to move.

The light blocking curtains made it dark in the room no matter the time- but he was sure it was morning. Even if it weren't, his body had taken all the laying down it could without his muscles seizing up for the rest of the day.

He grabbed his robe and headed silently to the kitchen to make some strong black coffee. As he waited for the pot to finish he reached down and grabbed his phone from the counter. Three messages from the hospital. It wasn't unusual - the long silence of night often brought demons to surface. Less staff and dim lights were always a distraction for restless patients and caused them to dwell on the dark spaces that filled their minds. It was the perfect storm of silence and space that seemed to invite trouble and episodes of lashing out.

He took his shower and put on his clothes. Like a superhero they provided him protection in a way. There was a lot to be said for being well dressed and groomed. It brought him confidence and hid the turmoil and dark thoughts he kept inside. That was the secret to health- knowing it was there but like an animal keeping it in check.

Only when he was completely ready and had consumed his first full cup of coffee did he take the time to play the waiting messages.

All three messages were about Hope. She had been moved to isolation. A breakdown of sorts emotional or physical enough to cause the staff distress. It was surprising. He'd assumed she was stronger. He toyed with the idea of calling in to work feigning illness, letting Hope spend the day understanding that pain could be useful. She needed to realize that her hidden pain and anger wouldn't simply disappear but eventually would topple in and leave nothing but a giant black hole with no sides to climb.

As he played the messages again he paced the hallway. Staying home meant spending more time contemplating his choices. It meant going in to his daughters room and facing demons of his own. He could spend the day outdoors - but eventually he'd have to return - and that would just make things sticky.

He left his cup on the counter purposefully. Proof that someone had been up- someone had started the day. It was always a risk. Perhaps his wife would find it insulting - him leaving her to take care of his mess- but she needed to be useful too.

With a deep sigh he grabbed his unopened briefcase from its place and headed toward the garage. Hope could benefit from more time but perhaps he could still make it an experience that could benefit them all.

Hope had finally hit bottom - it was a win for her- and perhaps for him. It was time to move her to a place where he could be more involved and the real work could start. Less eyes and no paperwork. So many hoops to jump through in a hospital. So many policies and procedures and regulations. It was no wonder no one ever got well or made progress in there.

He clicked the button to open the electric garage door and backed up out of the driveway smiling. Things were about to improve. Hope was going to be coming home at last, just as soon as he could take care of Alice.

Perhaps tomorrow he would arrange to be off work. The cage needed to be cleaned, and taking care of Alice might not be as easy as he imagined. After all this time she still managed to surprise him sometimes. It wasn't how he wanted it, he valued life. It all had meaning and purpose. Just because she couldn't be trusted or touched without heavy sedation didn't mean she wasn't valuable.

He pulled into his spot in the hospital parking structure and looked into the rearview mirror.

"You're happy aren't you? You've spent all this time waiting for a reason to take care of her. Were you lying the whole time?"

No answer rose to the surface and he wondered if it were true. Hindsight was 20/20. He already knew taking Alice to his house had been a mistake. It had forever changed the course of his life. His relationship with his wife- with his daughter. Things beyond the ability to repair. But he would keep trying. He couldn't turn back the clock or erase the past but he could do better in the future.

Alice's time of mercy and grace was over. Tonight he would bathe her, brush her matted hair, lotion her soft skin and maybe even share some conversation with her. When the night was over and she felt comfortable and peaceful in a drug filled haze he would wrap his hands around her neck and squeeze. It was a kindness really. To her, to his family, and to him.

Alice would never be what he hoped. She was never meant to be the one he brought back from the brink. When air stopped flowing in her lungs his dream for her rehabilitation could finally be put to rest. The destruction she brought with her would finally die. It was for the best. She would forever be a runaway to the world. The one that escaped the system. No one would ever have to know the rest of the story filled with his bitter failure.

He turned the key and reached for his briefcase noticing a large bulge in the crotch of his pants. Sitting back in the chair he waited. There was no way he could walk into the hospital with a growing erection and tears streaming down his face.

He placed his right hand in his lap and squeezed until the pain was truly uncomfortable. Now was not the time. He pictured his daughter squealing like she did when he came home from work and he twirled her in the air. The feel of her eyelashes as they gave each other butterfly kisses before bed. He felt his muscles relax as her remembered those sacred times. The times before Alice ever existed to any of them.

Confident he was in control he exited the car and made his way to the building. It was time to put his plan into motion. Hope was ready to at a breaking point, proving to him that it was time. She was always meant to be the one, and finally, she was ready to come home.

##########################
Had you already guessed it was Alice in the cage?  John's goodbye to Alice will be very informative. I'm not sure it'll end up how he wants it to - or maybe how
you'd want it to.
What do you think about his plans for Hope? 
Those of you reading this make my day- thanks for hanging on.  I'd appreciate any thoughts as this story leaves me a bit dark. ❤