*Alan's POV* | Feb 18, 2014
"Can I tell you something..?" I ask anxiously. I really need to get it out, but I really don't want him to freak. If I lose him, I'd die. The feelings I have for this boy are quite strong, and I need to let him know that. I hope it doesn't ruin our friendship, because if it does, our newly formed band is going downhill.
"Of course," he says, smiling. I take a deep breath. Out with it, Alan.
"I love you," I quickly whisper, my eyes beginning to glaze over with wetness. Austin doesn't say anything, but he smiles. Certainly, he can't feel the same way. I know he's straight.
"I love you too, Princess! I'll always love my best friend," he says, hugging me. Okay, clearly he didn't take that the right way.
"No, Austin," I mumble, pushing him away. He looks at me with an expression of confusion. I sigh and decide just to say it.
"Please, just listen to me so I don't chicken out," I say. He nods.
"Austin, ever since Maddie cheated.. I've been starting to fall for you, like I notice every single little thing you do and it drives me crazy, Your smile is the most fucking fantastic smile I've laid eyes on, your laugh is really adorable, and just you in general... I love you, and I don't mean it in just a friendly way, I mean it in a 'I want to be in a relationship with you' way. Please, please, please, don't freak out... I know you're straight, and I know we'll probably never be, I just want you to know that I really do love you. Please, don't let me lose you," I say, beginning to sob at my last sentence. He looks away from me, his face expressionless, emotionless. Shit! Why did I have to say anything? Slowly, he gets up and begins to walk away.
"Please, Austin.... I can't lose you," I sob, trying to stay calm but its useless. I've just lost him all because I decided to tell him how I feel. How could I be so stupid?! I knew he didn't love me back, and I know he wouldn't ever love me like that. We're just friends, and that's how its meant to be, right? There's no going back now, unfortunately. But.. he shouldn't have just walked away..? Shouldn't he have told me something, speak to me at all? It hurts more that he's just walking away without a word... He's acting as if he's had nothing to say and he's had no care whatsoever. Did he even care at all? If he did care, why would he call ambulances to save me? I could've died, but he saved my life. People who don't care save lives, do they? Maybe they do, who knows?
"Austin," I whisper as he walks out of the room, closing the door. I... I just lost him. He doesn't care. Who am I to try to convince myself that he did when he doesn't? Why am I even over thinking this? I over think too much, and it just puts so much stress on me. Maybe this is why I need someone. When I'm alone, my mind thinks to much. Thinks about bad things too much. I really need a life. Should I tell Shay, Phil, Tino, or Aaron? No, they'll probably think I'm some sort of faggot. Can't I do anything right in my life? Or at least have something good? Maybe this is why people don't like gingers. Do gingers even like themselves? I certainly don't like myself right now, particularly because if I never told Austin a single thing I wouldn't be over thinking every single fucking thing! God, why do I even do this to myself?
"Umm, Mr Ashby?" I jolt my head up and see Doctor Bruce.
"Was I saying that out loud?" I ask, my face burning into an aura of red. Doctor Bruce nods. I sigh.
"Don't worry, he'll come around. If he's your best friend, he'll accept you no matter what. I'll let you in on a little secret, the same happened with me," Doctor says.
"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"
"My best friend, Danny, I had a huge crush on the lad. Four years back, I told him and he was doing a lot of questioning and thinking. I let the boy have his alone time to think, and we ended up getting married last May," Doctor Bruce says, smiling at his memories.
"Congradulations," I say. "Thank you, Doctor Bruce."
"No problem, lad. Oh, also, you may go home now, if you'd like. I suggest have someone stay with you, in case you have troubles again. Danny is a therapist, you can have his card if you'd like." I nod and Doctor Bruce hands me a card with Danny's information on it.
"Thanks," I say, and attempt to get off the hospital bed.
"Hold on, not so fast, Mr Ashby. We need to take out the IV, and you need to put your shirt back on," Doctor Bruce says, laughing. I nod and let him remove the IV. I slide my shirt on and leave the room, after I thank Doctor Bruce again. I need to call Phil or Shay.
I take out my phone and dial Phil's number.
"Hey Alan, what's up?" Phil answers.
"Yeah, hey, Phil. Can you pick me up from the hospital?" I ask, I really hope that Austin told them something so I don't have to explain anything.
"What?! Alan, why the hell are you at a hospital?!" Phil asks hysterically.
"Chil, man. I'm fine. Now pick me up and I'll explain it to you then," I mumble into the phone. Dammit Austin, why the hell are you making life so difficult right now? I bet he's smiling at the effect he's having on me right now, that little shit.
"Whatever, Ashby. On my way, see you!" he says and hangs up the phone. I am so not looking forward to tomorrow. Fuck Sundays, they suck ass.
*TIME SKIP BC I CAN sowwy*
"Alan!" I hear Phil yell. I look to my left and see the tan boy.
"Now tell me, why the hell are you here in the first place," he says as I get in the car.
"I got wasted and broke a bottle, but I didn't realize it so I stupidly drank glass and had to get some surgery on my stomach because I'm a fucking dumbass," I mutter, purposely leaving out all the details of my somewhat attempted suicide. I need someone to tell about Austin though...
"I told Austin that I loved him and he hates me now," I blurt out mistakenly. I wanted to tell Phil, yes. Wanted to blurt it out randomly? Not so much.
"Whoa, what, Ashby? I support you, and like he can't hate you. Austin's a good guy, he wouldn't be all homophobic and shit. That's not the Austin I know, at least," Phil rambles. I shake my head.
"I told him how I felt and he like just looked away and walked out of the room. It was like he didn't even give a flying squirrel's shit about my feelings and like it hurt, man. It was worse than when that bitch cheated on me!" I rant. At least Phil understands me. And supports me.
"Damn, that much? That's some pretty harsh shit then! I really need to have a talk with Austin. It's not cool for him to be all homophobic to his fucking best friend! HIS BEST FRIEND! Either he's hiding something, or he's just being an asshat. I doubt the asshole part, he's not one of those. I mean, damn, the kid's a good one, but there's no way he could be a homophobic asshole, that's just not Austin. I mean, what would his mom think of him?" Phil says.
"PHIL SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE SAYTHING THE SAME GODDAMN THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN GOD SHUT UP!" I yell, smacking my head into the seat. He starts to burst out laughing.
"Sorry, dude. I just don't understand why Austin is being this way," he chokes out in his hysterical laughter. I nod.
"We're HOOOOMMMMMEEEEEE!" Phil sings as we park the car in the apartment all of us guys share when we're working on band shit. I roll my eyse and get out of the car.
"Ummm, Phil?" I whisper.
"Yeah, Ashby?" Phil says, mocking my tone.
"Look here, now," I whisper.
"Oh my holy shit," Phil mumbles, looking at the scene unfolding in front of us.
There, Austin Carlile, my one and only, sucking faces with a cheating bitch named Maddie fucking Carina.
YOU ARE READING
Ginger Love Palace (Cashby)
FanfictionAlan begins to fall for the one and only Austin Carlile, his best friend, right after his ex, Maddie, cheats on him. When Alan admits his feelings to Austin, he freaks out. What will happen to their relationship? <\/> SEQUEL: "Awaken With Mist...
