<<TRIGGER WARNING>> | Mar 23, 2014
*Alan's POV*
"This ghost, Alex Hendowski, he, he l-lead us out," I explain, telling the story of my dream to Austin. Apparently, I had been in a coma for four months and I wasn't stuck in some type of morgue with a gang hunting everybody, and there is no evil Doctor Bruce. I wish he wasn't on break, it'd be nice to tell him what had happened in my subconcious. But something had to trigger the frightening thought. The problem is, I don't know what might've done it. It scares me, frankly.
"Alex Hendowski? I went through primary school with a lad named Alex Hendowski," Austin says. I furrow my eyebrows and give off a confused expression.
"That's strange," I reply, trying to analyze my dream more. I hadn't noticed anything that meant Austin knew the ghost, but is he really dead?
"Carry on?" he asks. I nod and give off my best fake smile. Austin returns the smile, but his is genuine.
"He s-stared to yell at m-me, begging me to w-wake up," I tell, the terrifying feeling returning to me. It seemed so surreal. How could that have been a dream? It certainly mustn't have been one, it couldn't have been! How dare my mind do such a thing to me!
"Alex started to sound like y-you," I try to speak, but the tears are slowly beginning to form.
"I began having a p-panic attack a-and, I-I," I say, unable to finish from my uncontrollable sobs.
"Alan, don't cry," Austin whispers, patting my back.
"I-I c-can't stop-p," I whimper.
"Why?" Austin asks sternly.
"B-because I was so stupid! " I yell, letting the tears run freely from my eyes.
"You ar-"
"I am stupid, dont tell me I am not. I almost lost myself, and not to mention you almost lost me because of ME. Do not fucking tell me that I am not stupid, because I am the most selfish dumbass in the fucking world!" I rant frustratedly.
"You know what?" Austin hisses. "You can fucking wallow in your self pity, if you won't let me help you, then I am done with you. Understand? Stop being such a fucking pussy, Ashby! Man the fuck up!"
The tears in my eyes fall faster than before, and I begin to shake. I never thought Austin could do such a thing, or ever say those words.
"You are such a queer! Nobody likes faggots like you! Stop being so fucking emo, and be a man! I will always be a straight motherfucker, and never like you. I would rather shoot myself than be like you." he screams. Im taken aback by what he's just said. I thought he loved me, but that love was either fake or yet so long gone. How could it have only lasted a simple few months? Not even a year, no it mustn't have been love. It couldn't have been love. You dont just love someone for five months and say "Fuck you!" to them and run away! That's a sick and twisted BS move, and quite shallow. It isn't fair, not one bit.
On the contrary, Austin is right. I need to stop being such a coward, I need to be more brave. More manly. I can't be such a stupid, ignorant teenage kid. Ill be a fucking adult soon, and I need to get my shit together.
If I even make it to be eighteen or over.
Who am I kidding, I wouldn't last a day. I barely can support myself and I still have nobody. Well, my band, and that's it. Or at least I had them. Austin hates me and I'm sure the rest of the band will too. Austin is right. "Nobody likes a faggot like you."
"You never seemed so fake," I whisper quietly, ripping the IV out of my hand. It bleeds, and I never hit the nurse button. I leave a small note.
Hello authority of the hospital and such. I'd like to tell you all, don't save me. I don't have anyone to live for anyways. If you could, tell my friends I've passed. Even if I haven't died by the time you've found this small note, I want you to kill me. Please, I'd do anything to die. Tell my father I'm gone so that he doesn't have to worry over his son that he despises so much. I can't wait to see my mother in the afterlife, I hope to see Austin's too. Oh, yes, tell my love, Austin Robert Carlile, that I'm gone too. I don't need to be another burden added to his list of annoyances. If anyone reads this, I thank you much for giving the few minutes of your day. Im sorry if i had wasted it. I dont want to be a pester, I just want to leave everyone to have a better life without me. I will miss you all. Farewell, my love.
Signed, Alan Anthony Ashby.
Goodbye, cruel world. For good this time.
---
that's the end.
yep. that's the end of the book.
dont kill me.
yes there will be a sequel.
only if you want one, though!
YOU ARE READING
Ginger Love Palace (Cashby)
FanfictionAlan begins to fall for the one and only Austin Carlile, his best friend, right after his ex, Maddie, cheats on him. When Alan admits his feelings to Austin, he freaks out. What will happen to their relationship? <\/> SEQUEL: "Awaken With Mist...
