Loving Him

e i g h t

Days of my submission to Adam turned into weeks and into months. The only places that I was allowed to go was the grocery store and that, with Adam's consent. He also always insisted that he should go with me because he didn't trust me. During this time, I was the perfect wife. The perfect image. I spoke when spoken to. I did everything Adam wanted. Everything and anything. But deep inside, I hated it. I hated and I loved Adam. My heart would never submit to him in the way that he wanted me to submit. That fact alone gave me a peace of mind amongst my situation.

Then one day, I got a dreadful phone call. I was cooking dinner for Adam and I. He had requested that he wanted fish curry for tonight and I was preparing the sauce in a pan. As I was cutting the talapia fish into pieces, my phone vibrated on the counter. Quickly putting the knife down and drying my hands with a wash cloth, I grabbed my phone and hit the attend call button.

"Hello?" I called out into my phone.

"Hi. Is this Mrs. Pember?"

"Yes. This is her speaking."

"Mrs. Pember, your husband has been in a car accident..."

I remember reading those cheesy stories when something big would happen to the character and their world would either stop or slow down. Mine did the latter. I felt as if everything I was doing was in slow motion. I remember that my hands were shaking uncontrollably and that I had to hold my wrist with my free hand so I wouldn't drop my phone. Surprisingly, I stayed calm on the phone. But a million thoughts rushed through my mind. The first thought that crossed my mind was "What if Adam dies?" It broke me to pieces. I couldn't live without Adam.

That night, I rushed to the hospital. It was ironic, though. I wished to speed to the hospital because I wanted to die at that moment. A world without Adam is a world that I refused to be apart of and I wished to be by his side as soon as I could. But if I had sped on the way to my husband and ended up dead then nobody would watch over Adam and I would not lay in my grave in peace. I had to be there for him.

My extremities refused to keep still for I was trembling all the way into his room in the hospital. All I could do was shut myself away from the world and pray. My tunnel vision consumed me as I stalked down the long, white halls that seemed to never end. I sincerely hoped that my prayers would be answered out in the void somewhere because I just wanted one thing right now. I wanted Adam to be safe.

I shakily opened the door and relief flushed through my body as I saw a seemingly conscious Adam on the hospital bed, attached to various tubes of sorts. The first thing I wanted to do was to engulf him in my arms but then my eyes moved to the tall, brooding man in a white lab coat.

"Mrs. Pember?" the doctor said as he stepped forward with his hand outstretched in a gesture of a handshake.

"Hi." I said, or I think I said because I was still in shock and dazed. I slid my hand into his and shook it.

"I'm Doctor Oliver. I'm going to be your husband's physician regarding this incident."

I nodded and listened to the doctor's orders and what Adam's condition was, which it was stable, for now.

I remember that everything was a blur. The few days and nights I spent by Adam's side, barely moving an inch. I slept on the chair beside his hospital bed and lay my head down near his arms every night. I would read the Bible whenever it was daytime and talk to an unconscious Adam whenever I could. The nurses probably thought I was going crazy and you know what? I think I might've lost it at that moment. But I had faith and spirituality that Adam would be fine. I would make sure of it.

He went through a surgery to repair nerve damage that occurred during his car accident. Doctor Oliver had told me that it would take at least 3-4 weeks for Adam to completely move again because he was temporarily paralyzed from the torn nerve.

When I took Adam home, I did everything for him. Being a nurse, I knew how to take care of paralyzed patients regarding their basic needs. Braden offered to help over the phone many times but I strictly told him that Adam wouldn't like him being in his house. It was cold but I had to cater to Adam's wishes.

I remember when his parents came over to visit Adam and they smelled something funny. I had to tell them to leave because Adam needed his briefs to be changed. Because of the paralysis, he couldn't walk around to use the restroom like normal, ambulatory people do. I also remember that his parents turned their noses up at him and muttered about how pathetic he was. It made me upset to know that even though Adam was paralyzed, he could still hear and see. I knew how much he loved his parents and I wish I could yell at them and defend Adam. And that is exactly what I did. I calmly pulled them aside after changing Adam and I told them that this is normal and inevitable. I also told them about how great their son is and how brave Adam is. They asked me why I couldn't get a stay-at-home nurse and save myself the disgust. I told them that it was my job as his wife. My marriage vows were to take care of him and that's exactly what I was doing. Because I loved him.

Days and weeks went by as Adam was under my care. Then I started to notice something was off. Not about Adam, but about me. I frequently had to use the restroom and I vomited a lot in the mornings. Either it was the stomach bug or gastroenteritis. Or so I hoped. My obvious suspicion was that I might be pregnant because before Adam's accident, we had been fairly active. And I had missed my period. Though, my period does fluctuate so I couldn't jump to irrational conclusions. So, I did what I thought would be best. After Adam went to sleep, I drove to the nearest Walgreens and grabbed 5 different brands of pregnancy tests.

I stalked into the restroom farthest away from Adam because I didn't want to wake him or raise his suspicions. After peeing on the 5 sticks, I laid them side by side and waited a few minutes.

I glanced at the sticks when I came back to the restroom and they all said the same thing: positive.