Loving Him

t e n

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I squeezed my eyes as all my senses started to slowly register to my brain. My head groggily rolled to my side almost automatically and I opened my eyes. Eyes widening, I realized I was at the hospital when my eyes met the vitals monitor. I pulled myself up into sitting position and felt a resistance on my left arm. To my dismay, there was a needle embedded deep in my arm and it prevented me from moving too far.

From my sudden movements, a heavy weight settled in my head and with every breath, my heart pounded in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose to somehow alleviate the pain. Opening my eyes once the feeling subsidized, I glanced around the room. Adam's form registered in my brain and so did the inner panic once I connected the dots. I'm in a hospital. I fainted. I'm also pregnant. The chances of him finding out about my pregnancy are high. But as a nurse, I know about HIPAA and that he can't know any of my medical information without my permission. That fact alone relaxed me a bit.

I forced a hesitant smile on my face as I looked at Adam's cold, dead eyes. His muscles bulged for his arms were crossed across his chest.

"Hi." I breathed as I tried to mask my face into one of relief when in reality, my heart was thundering beneath my ribs with every anticipating moment.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly and the tone of his voice had me taken aback. Either he was really good at acting or he actually cared about me. Both tore my heart in two.

"I'm fine. Can we please go home?" I begged, trying to avoid any possible diagnosis or any situation that could reveal my current condition.

Adam's eyebrows furrowed as he scrutinized me. "You fainted. That doesn't happen if you're supposedly fine. Let's wait to see what the doctor has to say. Then we can go home." He all but demanded.

"O-okay." I said shakily as anxiety crept in.

I lay back down on my side with my hands under my cheek. Within moments, I fell into a deep slumber and the last thing I saw was the blurry vitals monitor.

~

My head kept shaking and lolling around as the ground beneath me was moving at a fast pace. Shadows and various lights danced beyond my shut eyelids. I groggily opened my eyes as I tried to determine what this familiar feeling was. I was in Adam's car. I turned my head to my left and saw Adam with his hands clenched on the steering wheel, forcing his knuckles to be white. His jaw was set as he glared at the road through his sunglasses.

"Adam?" I whispered. No answer. Something was wrong.

"What happened? Why are we not at the hospital?" I asked after a moment of hesitation and fear.

"When were you going to tell me?" His deep voice demanded almost immediately.

"What do you mean?" I fearfully asked. Please, not the pregnancy. God, don't let him know about the baby.

"Don't play dumb Belle!" He bellowed loudly as he turned the steering wheel to one side sharply once we came upon a turn.

I gasped as I felt my body hit the side of the door & I held onto the dashboard fearfully.

Silence greeted us. I didn't want to talk. Neither did he.

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

My heart stopped. He said 'were'.

"What do you mean?" I asked, for clarification as I licked my suddenly dry lips. This has to be a lie. It can't be true.

"You lost the baby." Adam bitterly muttered.

I lost the baby. Of course. It was all my fault that it was gone. If I had... If I just didn't... Maybe if...

My lips trembled as my hand landed on my stomach. A sudden hollow feeling consumed me. There was no baby in there any longer. I then noticed that I was in different clothes and saw the bag in front of me that was full of my clothes from the day of me fainting.

I roughly pulled out my pants in a tearful haze and looked at the crotch area. There was blood. So much blood. My hand flew to my mouth as I choked back a sob.

Thoughts rapidly consumed my conscious. I would do anything, anything, to have my baby back. My womb felt so empty and lonely without the existence of a new life in it. I would deal with the morning sickness, the vomit, the bodily changes, the aching bones and muscles, I would deal with all of it just to have my baby again.

It was all my fault.