a collection of my thoughts

hidden strength

night after night i sit here with the twisted thoughts brewing in my brain, steadily rising and evaporating into a milky cloud that blurs my vision. i cant remember the last time i had a clear thought, or the last time i knew what i was doing and was sure of it.

when it would get bad i would sit, tears leaving my eyes freely, i had no strength to stop them from coming. i had no strength for anything.

a happy ending would be that it got better, i got better. happy endings were for fairytales, this was no damsel in distress romance.

soon long sleeves became a necessity and filled with paranoia, i would walk the hallways. eyes were on me. everyone was staring. they knew. my ears filled with laughter.

were they laughing about me?

although my porcelain skin, i felt dark. i felt it begin to consume me, to take who i was, taunting my happiness in my face. as if this was a game.

i knew how easy it would be to stop this, to cease everything.

but i did not.

short sleeves filled my closets and wrapped around my body, a new security blanket. i didnt have to hide by covering my struggles.

with eyes on me i smiled and with soft eyes i looked at them back, tears did not flow down, my smile did not break once they looked away. they all stared, expecting to find the girl who crumbled beneath their glance, they did not find her.

soon the laughter behind me was no longer there, the halls filled with silence, instead of being tense it filled the air with a sense of mystery, a mystery on how i did it.

the girl they expected to break stood two times taller on a foundation twice as strong.

people will break you down, they'll step on you, make you feel like you're less than nothing seeming like you have no say.

but you have a say in if you're willing to get back up and fix your wounds.

you have a say in if you're going to try again.

______

if you're ever feeling like you arent worth it feel free to message me anytime, or contact:

suicide hotline:
1-800-273-8255

i love you all

- kylie