a collection of my thoughts

liar liar pants on fire

i miss the way you lied to me, the way your hand caressed mine and we sat in a peaceful eternity. the way words flew out of your mouth telling venomous fibs that left scars all along my body.

i had one scar right by the corner of my mouth, i remember the day when i got it. the birds were chirping and we had gotten up early to see the sunrise. i tripped over myself and you steadied me, you always were there to anchor me down. getting a clear view of the sunrise we sat in awe, you swiftly placed your lips to the corner of my lips and told me that the sunrise wasn't as beautiful as the girl sitting next to you. the butterflies emerged in my stomach, only if i would've listened to their warning, their plea for me to get out, to runaway. we sat for hours after that, i fell asleep in your arms, but instead of holding me you let my head rest on your shoulder.

the next area was the place for many scars, they blended together to make a huge blemish that seemed so odd that i had to look away before my heart shriveled. my hands. my hands were littered with faint marks, this was the place you held and we would intertwine our fingers. you never failed to make intricate designs on the inside of my palm which made me feel light headed and dizzy. while interlocking our hands you told me some of your worst lies yet. the ones about you loving me, how you cared about me, and would do anything to bring a smile on my face. these hurt the most because they were simple for you to say, they were carried in normal conversation, but although small they made my heart grow bigger. they made me smile in my darkest of times because when i was crying i thought about the time you held my hands and told me you loved me.

you did love me right?

as i could go on for hours, we come to the biggest disfigurement my body had, my somehow still functioning heart. with glue, tape, and many other gimmicks i was able to place pieces back together slowly, but fixing your own troubled heart is harder than you might think. i got frustrated with myself and believed i did something wrong, that the pieces wouldn't fit because of me. i didnt realize at the time that the lies you had fed me were transforming my broken puzzle of a heart into a whole new image. i was searching for something i had lost. i was searching for myself.

i miss the way you lied to me because if you were to do it again i would know this time it was wrong. the pain and struggles i went through to put myself together were a strain but i know the difference between the way you treated me and the way i deserve to be treated.
i now know the difference between us and you and me.

and i'm much happier it just being you and me.

______

just remember you don't need anyone to complete you. like ever.

-kylie