Searching For Pluto | ✔️

Female Friends

They'll tell you
That they understand.
God knows
That you think they're messed up:
You literally portray yourself as scum;
The most hated amongst female -
You tell them everything with no shame.

And yet,
When you run to them,
With Sixteen year old boy's confused and heartbroken tears -
They just open up,
They just listen up,
They just mother up
And cuddle you up
With words
That make you feel warm.

Motherly love
Is something you never get enough of,
Motherly love is what they give you
As you confess your sins to them
Like they're mother Mary -
But you're not Catholic...
And not a good Christian either.

You're just effed up.
You even tell the other girls that.

But you never tell the one girl that,
You're scared to tell the one girl about your real self,
You're scared she'll leave and the feelings death
Will be another mistake on your self-hate's shelf.

You tell them you would have changed for the girl who made you like this...
You tell them that same prerecorded line:
They don't point out that you sound like a broken record -
They have too much sympathy 'cause you're wrecked hard.

So they listen,
Listen to all your lies,
Your sister is too young to understand
So they fill her place for now
If only they knew how
Much their shoulders mean to you.

On some days
You'll be afraid for them
After processing what you've done to stem
Another girl easily misled.
You'll be afraid for them
Because sometimes you're not doing it consciously -
Other times, you're not even trying:
You're literally a nice guy flying
With the wings of his self-love.

You don't put on the flirt,
You don't make the move first
You don't even foresee their hurt -You're just being you...
And still face the same problem
Of having to say you're not interested
Even if every effed up and selfish bone in you would rather they think you are.

She tells you it's not your fault that they like you...
You tell her she's right
Wondering why Sixteen year old mind can manipulate teenage girly soul.
It's too much power -
You know nought about responsibility.

It's just chasing highs
From smiles sculpted by playful teasing
Then guilty spirals
From tears scorched by embarrassed crying.